Reality Check

Today we met with the Radiation Coordinator. I still have a drain in, which we hope to have out next week, and as soon as it is out and we do a CT scan, I will be starting radiation. The doctor who sat with us to discuss this was very frank about my condition. He made certain that we understood that this will not cure my cancer, but will decrease my risk of certain types of cancer by two-thirds. He talked about the effects of radiation, and the possible side effects. He stressed that we would have no guarantees that radiation was even working until weeks after it is done. Then he said it was up to me to make the decision because having stage 4 cancer, I will never be cancer free...

Never be cancer free...

So... How's that for a reality check? I have known in my head that this is permanent, but I think hearing the doctor go over the diagnosis and basically tell me that we may be doing all of this and have no effect on the cancer was an eye-opener. And I suppose I could just roll over and say let's stop, but I simply can't do that. I have never been a quitter, and I don't plan to quit on this. I still have a chance, and even though the odds are against me, I will go down fighting. What we want is for this to become just a chronic condition where I have flare-ups that we treat until some new medical miracle comes along.

Until then... I just keep the faith. I keep doing what the doctors recommend.I continue to enjoy my time with my family and friends. I keep believing in myself. I keep living... even if it means living with cancer.