Learning to be still

You know, it is hard to sit still. Especially if you are as active as I tend to be, but I am learning. In fact, I am learning a great deal. I have learned to tolerate needles. I, the woman who gets queasy talking about blood, have learned to look at it every day and do little more than go ewww. I have learned more about the big C than anyone who is not a doctor should need to know.

I have learned that there is nothing on TV worth watching, and that all the daytime commercials are lawyers. I assume because the lawyers figure if you are at home during the day, you must be sick, old, disabled or a combination of these. But I have gotten to see re-runs of Designing Women, which is a show I always loved.
And... don't watch America's Funniest Videos when you have stitches anywhere on your upper body... I think I popped a stitch on one of those videos.

But the biggest thing I am learning goes back to that first statement... to be still. Not being inactive, not being hypnotized by the tv, not playing on the computer to pass the time. No... I mean sitting still with myself and feeling what and who I am. I am learning to examine my inner self. I am redefining my life priorities. I am feeling the love that comes to me, not just from my family and friends, but from people I haven't met yet, people I am only acquainted with through other friends, and of course from Higher Powers. Some days, I feel so full of love I think I must be glowing. I feel it like a warm tingle, an all over body massage. It reminds me of the one time I had a spa day. They covered me in lavender oil, wrapped me in a damp sheet, then rolled me up in tinfoil, and put me under a heat lamp like a lavender gyro. I felt so warm and enclosed and relaxed. That is the feeling I am re-experiencing now.

Yes... I still have my not so awesome days. There are days that I am impatient. Why is this not over with? When will these injuries heal? How much longer will this take? Then there are days where I am gripped by the pending dooms. You know that feeling... for some reason your stomach is twisted and cold, your whole body feels numb and you feel a sense of dread from out of nowhere. But when these things happen, I take a deep breath and reach out for that love. And you know what? Love does conquer.