One Day Till Surgery

It's almost here. The big day. And again, I am up early with only my Best Friend to talk to. So bear with me while I pour out what is in my head.

God, I am not really sure why I have this- this disease, infection, whatever you call it. I wish I didn't have it, but I think everyone says that. I am not sure why such things exist, but they do, and it's something I have to live with. And that's exactly what I would like to be able to continue to do... Live.

I want to thank you for all the blessings I have had. For my family. For the wonderful women who make my days crazy sometimes. For my mom who loves me and would give anything to make this go away or take it from me. It's from her that I learned to give people a chance, because no matter how many times she has been burned, she keeps trusting that everything will work out for the best. For my wife who has taught me what strength is. It's not always physical... most strength is the ability to not let your past limit your future. It is making hard choices and putting away your dreams to take care of someone else when the time comes. It is getting past the labels others try to pin on you and defining yourself. It is learning how to overcome.

I want to thank you for my friends. I am probably the hardest person to be friends with. I don't like the phone. I am not big on visiting (I am a big old homebody) and sometimes I get so wrapped up in what is going on in my own life, I forget that others have troubles too. But still, you gave me friends who love me even through my shortcomings, and I can't thank you enough.

Thank you for giving me the chance to re-connect with my sister. She is the most amazing woman and I am so proud of her. I don't know how she does all that she does and remains sane... but she inspires me. And thank you for letting me meet my two youngest siblings finally. ( I would really appreciate it if you would give me the chance to watch them grow into the cool and awesome adults they are going to be...but that's not what I came to talk to you about).  They have a great mom too, and I ask you to help me put into words a way to thank her for all she has done for them and for me. I appreciate her letting me into their lives, and trying to be there for me while she battles her own cancer. And while we are on the subject of re-connecting... Thank you for letting me and my sister in law start a relationship. I never really knew her until this happened, and I was missing out on a caring woman who loves my brother and my two nieces with all her heart. My youngest niece looks just like my mom, btw.

Thank you for the life you have given me.For all the simple pleasures, like good coffee, warm chocolate cake, fuzzy kitty cats, silly dogs. The flowers in my yard are budding right now. I want to see them do it again next year.