Meanwhile.... back in Cancerville.... It is time for the six month check-ups. Yep... This month I get an MRI, a PET scan, an echocardiogram and my first visit with a lymphedema specialist. Oh Joy! I'll keep y'all posted as I get the results. Pray for NED (No Evidence Detected).
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lesbian. Show all posts
Thursday, September 6, 2012
The Wedding Ceremony- As performed for us by The Reverand Carol Huston
GREETING/INTRODUCTION:
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they
are joined together to strengthen each
other in all labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each
other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent, unspoken
memories? — George Eliot
It is out of the resonance
between individuality and union that love, whose incredible strength is equal
only to its incredible fragility, is born and reborn. Today's celebration is
the outward sign of a sacred and inward commitment which religious societies
may consecrate and states may legalize, but which neither can create nor annul.
Such a union is created by loving purpose, maintained by abiding will, and
renewed by human feelings and intentions. In this spirit these two persons
stand before us.
Tonight, as we celebrate the union that exists
between Dawyn and Michele, may each of you also celebrate the sacred loves and
friendships that have brought meaning and joy to your lives.
READINGS:
Why Marriage? By Mari Nichols-Haining
Because to
the depths of me, I long to love one person,
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...
Because I
need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
Who won't hold them against me,
Who loves me when I'm unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me...
Who won't hold them against me,
Who loves me when I'm unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me...
Because I
need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold...
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold...
Because
marriage means opportunity
To grow in love in friendship...
To grow in love in friendship...
Because
marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements...
To be added to a list of achievements...
Because
marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole...
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole...
Because,
knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage...
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage...
Because of
this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.
The possibilities are limitless.
Excerpt from
"The Gift From The Sea" ~ by Anne Morrow Lindbergh ~
When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in
owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, mot in hoping, even.
Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in
nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living
in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must
be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within
their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually
visited and abandoned by the tides.
MINISTER’S MESSAGE
Michele and Dawyn, you come here today already a married couple. You first made vows to each other 20 years ago, and you have told me that they were unreversable vows, made before friends, family and God. No divorce possible. I'm not sure the majority of couples I have married in the past twenty years would have been so clear about that, and would have known intuitively that making those vows before your friends would bolster your marriage through the years, community support being vital to a healthy marriage.
You took those vows at a time when no national or state government in the world would have recognized your vows as legal bonds. Your action showed that two people who love each other and want to make a life commitment to one another should have the right to do so, no matter their genders or sexual orientations. Now finally a good number of countries and states, New York among them, have caught up with your understanding and we can be here together, to bless again your spiritual and legal union.
You are a married couple and a thoughtful one, and your selection of readings for this service certainly demonstrates that to me. I have never seen the first reading from Mari Nichols-Haining, but I am impressed by the way it outlines the practical side of marriage as both an opportunity, a discipline, even an achievement. Your second reading from Anne Morrow Lindbergh is one that I have used often, and I think the image of the dancers "barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern" is one of the most beautiful metaphors for marriage that I have ever seen. It reminds us of the fragile balance between individuality and union I mentioned earlier. You have built a life together, a life that has brought you to new places and allowed you to learn together, to grow together, to comfort and support each other in real diversity. At the same time. your love and relationship must encourage each of you to grow in your own talents and interests. Yes, you are two individuals, each with your own strengths and weaknesses, your own needs and emotions, and each with your own opinions. There are times when you need to encourage each other; times when you need to forgive each other; times when you need to stand together for strength and times when it is right and necessary to leave spaces between you, spaces in the dance pattern you share. Be sure to give each other physical space and psychological space so that you can continue- throughout your lives- to be the interesting individuals each of you has come to love.
You know, I am sure, that love itself is unpredictable and ever changing. There are times when love is sublime and transcending; there are times when it demands risk and sacrifice. But there are also times, even for the two of you, when your love becomes day-to-day humdrum, boring, when, as one of you said to me, the "well of love seems empty"- that's the most difficult phase of love, but it is one that all couples face. And the remedy to all this, the remedy when your love is not perfect, lies in two abilities I see in you. One is the ability to forgive. The other is the ability to laugh and see the irony of the situation. Those abilities will get you through.
One or two more points: In these times we all recognize that there is violence around us in the world, and, sad to say, in some persona relationships. And so, in every service I perform, I urge the couples to be gentle with each other. Treat your beloved as a blessing that has come to you. Respect each other in word and action. Remember that acts of kindness, understanding words and most importantly, laughter and a sense of humor will do much to resolve the pressures that come to all households.
Dawyn and Michele, your marriage did not begin today. I would say that your marriage didn't even begin 20 yrs ago when you made your first vows. Your marriage began when you were children growing into the women you are right now. It grew as you came to know each other, first as interesting friends and then as more than friends. We know that your marriage will continue, and we trust that the love you feel will continue to grow. Theodore Parker, a Unitarian Minister and abolitionist from the 19th century said " It takes years to marry completely two hearts, even the most loving and well-assorted. A happy wedlock is a long falling in love..." Michele and Dawyn, may you truly enjoy the long falling in love still ahead of you. May your trusting love and friendship be with you through the journey of all your days. Blessings on you.
INTRODUCTION
TO VOWS AND VOWS:
The
hand offered by each of you is an extension of self, just as is your mutual
love. Cherish the touch, for you touch not only your own, but another life. Be
ever sensitive to its pulse. Seek always to understand and to respect its
rhythm.
I
trust that you have freely given voice to your desire to be united in marriage,
20 y years ago and now again today. Do
you, in fact,choose freely and without reservation, to be a married
couple? If so, please answer, we do.
“We
do.”
The
vows you have chosen to make to each other are from a poem by Dorothy R.
Colgan. (I
Promise by Dorothy R. Colgan)
I promise to give you
the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.
and to ask of you no more than you can give.
I promise to respect
you as your own person
and to realize that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.
and to realize that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.
I promise to share
with you my time and my attention
and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.
and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.
I promise to keep
myself open to you,
to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost
fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.
to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost
fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.
I promise to grow
along with you,
to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship
alive and exciting.
to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship
alive and exciting.
I promise to love you in
good times and bad,
with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how. Completely and forever.
with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how. Completely and forever.
BLESSING OF RINGS
The circle of the ring speaks love
freely given -- it has no beginning, it has no end.
Today we bless the rings that you have
worn for 20 years, so that they may continue to be a symbol of your
pledge. May your rings ever represent
the oneness and harmony of your home, and may they testify to your yearning for
completeness, reminding you of your privileged place within the endless
turnings of time and space.
Wine CeremonY
You have already shared much together,
times of joy and times of sadness. You
affirm here today your intention to continue, to the best of your abilities, to
share all that life will bring you, enjoying each other's happiness and success
to the fullest, and being willing to risk suffering when suffering comes to the
other. As you look to the future
together, you know there will be hours of brightness and hours of shadow, for
such is the nature of life.
(Present a cup of sweet wine) Life has, indeed, many bright and happy
experiences, of which this sweet wine is a token. As you drink of it together, may it serve as
a symbol of the joy that comes with loving and sharing, and may you be strong
enough to hold with your happiness a kind sympathy for those who have not found
strength in mutual relationship and those who are less fortunate than you. (Pass goblet to each, they drink and pass it
back to minister.)
(Present a goblet of bitter wine.) But when hardship and sorrow and
disappointment come, of which this bitter wine is a token, may you care enough
to help one another with courage and compassion. When you must face risk in life, may you find
strength in each other, neither one blaming the other for folly or failure, or
regretting the obligation to share and bear together the chances and changes of
a life deeply lived. (Goblet is passed).
BLESSING
FOR A MARRIAGE by James Dillet Freeman
May your
marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring,
and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.
and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.
May you
always need one another -
not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness.
A mountain needs a valley to be complete;
the valley does not make the mountain less, but more;
and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it.
So let it be with you and you.
not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness.
A mountain needs a valley to be complete;
the valley does not make the mountain less, but more;
and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it.
So let it be with you and you.
May you need
one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, "I love you!" and take no notice of small faults.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, "I love you!" and take no notice of small faults.
If you have
quarrels that push you apart,
may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.
may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.
May you enter
into the mystery which is the awareness of one another's presence -
no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side,
and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities.
May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy.
May you have love, and may you find it loving one another!
no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side,
and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities.
May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy.
May you have love, and may you find it loving one another!
PRAYER/MEDITATION:
And now
let us take a moment for prayer or meditation, with the prayer of St. Francis
of Assisi in our hearts
God, make
Michele and Dawyn channels of your peace:
That where
there is hatred they may bring love;
Where there is hurt they may bring the spirit of
forgiveness;
Where there is doubt they may bring faith;
Where there is despair they may bring hope;
Where there is darkness they may bring light;
Where there is sadness they may bring joy.
For it is in giving that they shall receive,
By losing that they shall find,
By forgiving that they shall be forgiven.
God, grant that they may seek rather to comfort than
to be comforted,
To understand than to be understood,
To love than to be loved. Amen.
PRONOUNCEMENT
Dawyn and Michele, 20 years ago, and now
again today, you have freely chosen to walk life's journey together. In the presence of these witnesses, you have
promised one another love and trust in the deepest friendship that can
exist. It is therefore my joy and
privilege, on behalf of the divine spirit in and around us, on behalf of all
these witnesses, and on behalf of the state of New York, to pronounce that you
are and have been a married couple.
It is your right and privilege, since
last summer, to have this marriage legally witnessed and recorded, and so I invite
your witnesses to sign this document now.
BENEDICTION
Now as you go together out into the
world, may the days and years ahead strengthen the love and the joy and the
hopes that have brought you together. Go
in peace.
PRESENTATION
AND KISS
It is my great pleasure to present to
all of you Michele and Dawyn, a legally married couple in the eyes of God, in
our eyes, and in the eyes of the State of New York!! Please share a kiss.
It's like a Tornado on your wedding day!
By Thursday, the weather channel was saying rain possible for Friday. About a 50% chance. Well, We know how our luck runs, so we ordered a tent. The tent came, and the port-a-potty (from Mr. Party Pooper... how's that for a business name?) and then we had to decorate it. We set the tables up around the yard, strung lights on the tent and helped Tara finish moving yard stuff from one side of the house to the other where it would be hidden. We had the yard all set up with help from Ryan and Mary Shannon.
So... Friday comes. The day starts beautifully. All sunshine and light breezes. We start decorating the tables, finish picking up the last few food things we need, get the beer and as it gets closer to noon... the sky starts to get dark. The wind picks up. Suddenly... it starts raining. The neighbors knock on the door and offer us their carport to add as a tent. (Tara has the best neighbors!) So we get the carport moved all in one piece by carrying it over two fences and down the road with six people. It was a sight to see. Then the weather channel announces... it's a tornado. A tornado on Long Island. That is like a million to one happening. See... we have just that kind of luck.
Now Ryan, Michele and I are out in the rain moving chairs and tables under the tents. They are soaked. We are soaked. But do I become bridezilla? Nope... instead, I wrap my arms around my beloved and we dance in the rain. Her new smart phone is possessed and it starts playing music on it's own and we danced in the rain. I haven't fixed my hair. I haven't put on makeup. I am prepared to get married barefoot in the rain because it doesn't matter to me... all that matters is that I am about 3 hours away from legally marrying the woman who has been with me for the last twenty years, through good and bad, through sickness and health and it can rain all it wants!
The rain finally stops at about 4. We decide to keep all the tables under the tents, just in case it starts again. We dry everything off and are getting things ready when we get a call. My maid of honor, whose flight should have been in at 2, was still in Philadelphia because all the flights were delayed thanks to the fluke tornado. She will be there right about the time we are supposed to start. Michele goes to get the minister, Tara is cooking, I am redecorating the tables and we are now in a rush. People start arriving and there I am still in my wet clothes. Stacey, my MOH, shows up, grabs the decorations out of my hands, gives them to other people and drags me upstairs to get dressed. Guests are being enlisted to help put the finishing touches on everything while the wedding party gets dressed. It was chaotic, and crazy, but I don't think I have ever seen a wedding with more love and excitement than ours. (Okay... I may be a little biased...)
So... The service...
Now Ryan, Michele and I are out in the rain moving chairs and tables under the tents. They are soaked. We are soaked. But do I become bridezilla? Nope... instead, I wrap my arms around my beloved and we dance in the rain. Her new smart phone is possessed and it starts playing music on it's own and we danced in the rain. I haven't fixed my hair. I haven't put on makeup. I am prepared to get married barefoot in the rain because it doesn't matter to me... all that matters is that I am about 3 hours away from legally marrying the woman who has been with me for the last twenty years, through good and bad, through sickness and health and it can rain all it wants!
The rain finally stops at about 4. We decide to keep all the tables under the tents, just in case it starts again. We dry everything off and are getting things ready when we get a call. My maid of honor, whose flight should have been in at 2, was still in Philadelphia because all the flights were delayed thanks to the fluke tornado. She will be there right about the time we are supposed to start. Michele goes to get the minister, Tara is cooking, I am redecorating the tables and we are now in a rush. People start arriving and there I am still in my wet clothes. Stacey, my MOH, shows up, grabs the decorations out of my hands, gives them to other people and drags me upstairs to get dressed. Guests are being enlisted to help put the finishing touches on everything while the wedding party gets dressed. It was chaotic, and crazy, but I don't think I have ever seen a wedding with more love and excitement than ours. (Okay... I may be a little biased...)
So... The service...
Thursday, August 23, 2012
My dog is a pansy
I am ashamed to admit it, but my Stafford-shire Terrier mix is a pansy.
Our friend Deborah was dog sitting while we were gone. Buddy and Cleo were just happy to see people. Boston.... not so much. He growled! He refused to come out of his crate to go outside! He tucked his tail and whimpered and shivered and acted pitiful. She had to call me so I could talk to him on speaker phone to get him to go outside to pee. Obviously, we were not about to try bringing him in while we were gone, because he was being unpredictable. So he had to stay outside the rest of the week we were gone. Don't feel bad for him... Deborah played his version of ball with him, and he let her actually touch the toy a couple of time, which for him is a big deal. And he also got lots of treats.
My theory is that they own cats, but no dogs and he is scared of cats (see... I told you he was a pansy). So, he thought they were BIG CATS. Or, it could just be that he is rotten spoiled and listens to no one except me because I am the momma.
Either way... Deborah went above and beyond the call of duty dealing with my crew and I owe her big time! Technically, we hired her daughter... but big dogs need big people. However... if anyone needs an awesome cat sitter... I think that her daughter could start a great on the side business. When we got home, our dog Buddy could have cared less... he was looking for that kid who gives him cookies.
I love you Deborah!
Shopping!
Okay... so ... Its now Weds and we went shopping. I don't know that it is a good idea to have Michele, Tara and me in a store together for long. First we had to pick beer. Oh goodness. The three of us are semi-sorta beer snobs, and couldn't decide what kind of beer to buy. I like this type, Michele likes that type, Tara likes something else and I didn't want a keg, because then I would feel obligated to drink all the leftover beer before returning it, because there is something really wrong with having to waste beer. Even bad beer. (Of course, I could have just used it giving everyone a great beer shampoo... but I don't use good beer for that!) Going into the distributors was like candyland for grown-ups. Next stop was the wine distributor, where I found our favorite Pinot Noir (Hob Nob, a wine we share with our ballroom dancing friends after discovering it at a wine tasting) and the first bottle of wine we ever shared as a couple (Pouilly-Fuissé). Perfect! We needed wine for the wine ceremony and what better than two wines that actually have meaning for us.Our next stop was to be Sam's club, but we interrupted that for some NY style pizza. See... we were going food shopping and me in a store with food if I haven't eaten is a recipe for bankruptcy. I don't know how many of you remember my taste of Charlotte post, but I can eat some food. And most importantly, Michele NEEDED the pizza. Apparently, the South may have a whole mess of great foods, but to a New Yorker, there is no such thing as a real pizza (or Bagel) anywhere outside of the state. Michele tried to convince the pizzeria owner to move south and open a pizza/bagel shop. It didn't work, but if anyone wants to make millions... I am telling you... bring NY pizza and Bagels to North Carolina. You will retire rich.
Then, we went to Sam's. First thing I did was order cupcakes. Now... I know people are back and forth on the whole wedding cake/cupcake debate, but I happen to like cupcakes. They are small, already in portion sizes so you don't have to have anyone stationed there while people decide how big a slice they want, they can be mixed and matched in colors, icings and flavors and most importantly, I think the little cupcake towers are cute. So when we were talking about a cake vs. cupcakes, I felt that cupcakes are more... well, Me! Compact, cute and simple. Not to mention, I like whipped icing, and she likes that butter cream stuff. I like chocolate, and she likes white cake. So.. She had green cupcakes, and I had white ones. Anyhow... the shopping...
The three of us were insane. The two of them did most of the shopping. I took advantage of all the free sample tables, because while the pizza was good... I never pass up free food. The buggy filled up pretty quick, and we headed back to Club Med to unload our booty.
I also stopped at the local drug store and was overjoyed to see that the store had not yet completed hanging their markdown signs on their seasonal! Yippeee!!! The stuff my store had been sold out of for a month hadn't even been marked down once yet... so I bought it all! Yep... all the solar lights were mine! The yard would look awesome! Tara and Sisto once again were working on the yard while I put light up bugs all over the place. Can I just say again how awesome our cousins are?
After all that shopping and the second round of decorating, time for the pool again! After the first day, I noticed that swimming in the pool had reduced the swelling around my mastectomy scars. What's more, I didn't have to wear a top to swim, which was very liberating and felt amazing. I am thinking that I need a pool. or at least access to one on a regular basis. Maybe we should just go live with Tara and Sisto... I could take over that store ( I'll have to talk about that later... it was the first time I realized that I think like a District Manager)
The weather had been beautiful so far, and the forecast for Friday was still about 40% chance of rain. Only Thursday to get through!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Club Medford Day One
Monday August 6th, I worked 730 am till 10pm. When I got home, we did one last look around the house, kissed our puppies and kitties, got in the car and headed off for New York. Oh wow! Our very first trip to NY where I did not have to be stressed out over dealing with the Mother In Law. I was excited about getting married, seeing our cousins and aunts and uncles and mostly about having a vacation with Michele away from the house.
I slept most of the night, until about 7am when Michele woke me to take over driving. We stopped for coffee and some really stale cinnabon's. Can I just say... food at those travel service centers is outrageous! Two coffees and four mini cinnamon rolls was 15 dollars. YIKES! I mean, maybe if it had been organically grown, handpicked by Tibetan nuns, individually roasted and poured in a cup you could cherish, but geez. I won't even go into the eight dollar whopper meal ( a Small meal at that! We ate trail mix instead). Now, the fun part is that Michele is now asleep, I have had a large coffee, two sodas and a water and I just woke up. Needless to say... I had to make quite a few pit stops. Every time I stopped, she woke up. Are we there yet? Ummm.... noooo... I need to piddle again. After about 2 hours, she took over driving again. We were now on the NJ turnpike, and I am a skittish driver. Well, not skittish, but I am a driver who does the speed limit, lets cars get in ahead of me, and do not tailgate. Obviously, me driving anywhere near NY is a recipe for us going nowhere fast.
This is the first trip I have ever been awake and relaxed enough to gawk out the windows. I saw the docks where all the cargo is unloaded. I saw the Statue of Liberty. I saw Coney Island. I saw what I thought were rows of derelict buildings, only to discover that those are tenements. People actually live there. Eek! The weather was beautiful, so we had the windows open and I did not even smell the icky smell of the water like I did on my first trip there. They are really working to clean up the water around the island. I was dancing and singing in my seat, waving at the people who looked. ( somewhere in NY that night, a man in a turban was telling his wife about the crazy woman who was serenading him on the LIE)
First stop was the Brookhaven town offices. Everyone was so nice and happy to help us. The lady had a good laugh over our "destination wedding" in Medford, NY. But we got our license with no trouble at all. We got to Tara's shorty after, went to lunch and then Michele went to sleep. Tara went to work and I stayed up. When Sisto got home from work, he and I finished putting mulch in the yard, hung lights on the trees and I watched and applauded while he fixed the screen door.
It was wonderful to work in the yard with my cousin. We had some drinks, cut up some landscaping material, spread some mulch... all the things I love doing in my yard that I had to stop doing for so long. Then the fun of putting up lights. You know... christmas lights are a great outdoor wedding decoration. Add to that those cute LED color changing solar lights, and you have a lovely nightscape. We pulled out their christmas lights and lit up the back yard. Then, while I untangled some lights, he got out the sander to fix the door to his patio. We just chatted and sipped our drinks, then jumped in the pool. This was the first time I got to spend one on one time with Sisto, and you know what? He is the most awesome man. I mean, I always knew he was great and fun, but that man absolutely worhips the ground his wife walks on, is so family centered and honestly is the kind of man who would give you the shirt off his back. In fact, both him and his wife are that kind of person. And I am truly blessed that they are part of my family. ( Can I just say... I miss them both terribly, and wish we were closer together) Every day, both of them were so eager to help us do anything and spent so much time making everything beautiful. They are a blessing.
I slept most of the night, until about 7am when Michele woke me to take over driving. We stopped for coffee and some really stale cinnabon's. Can I just say... food at those travel service centers is outrageous! Two coffees and four mini cinnamon rolls was 15 dollars. YIKES! I mean, maybe if it had been organically grown, handpicked by Tibetan nuns, individually roasted and poured in a cup you could cherish, but geez. I won't even go into the eight dollar whopper meal ( a Small meal at that! We ate trail mix instead). Now, the fun part is that Michele is now asleep, I have had a large coffee, two sodas and a water and I just woke up. Needless to say... I had to make quite a few pit stops. Every time I stopped, she woke up. Are we there yet? Ummm.... noooo... I need to piddle again. After about 2 hours, she took over driving again. We were now on the NJ turnpike, and I am a skittish driver. Well, not skittish, but I am a driver who does the speed limit, lets cars get in ahead of me, and do not tailgate. Obviously, me driving anywhere near NY is a recipe for us going nowhere fast.
This is the first trip I have ever been awake and relaxed enough to gawk out the windows. I saw the docks where all the cargo is unloaded. I saw the Statue of Liberty. I saw Coney Island. I saw what I thought were rows of derelict buildings, only to discover that those are tenements. People actually live there. Eek! The weather was beautiful, so we had the windows open and I did not even smell the icky smell of the water like I did on my first trip there. They are really working to clean up the water around the island. I was dancing and singing in my seat, waving at the people who looked. ( somewhere in NY that night, a man in a turban was telling his wife about the crazy woman who was serenading him on the LIE)
First stop was the Brookhaven town offices. Everyone was so nice and happy to help us. The lady had a good laugh over our "destination wedding" in Medford, NY. But we got our license with no trouble at all. We got to Tara's shorty after, went to lunch and then Michele went to sleep. Tara went to work and I stayed up. When Sisto got home from work, he and I finished putting mulch in the yard, hung lights on the trees and I watched and applauded while he fixed the screen door.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
It's Legal!
Wow! What a vacation! I am so exhausted... I need a vacation from my vacation!
Well... it's legal now. After 20 yrs, Michele and I have become legally wedded. Not that we weren't married anyhow. After all... what else do you call all those years of devotion and love? I was thinking about the two ceremonies ( okay... it's actually 4 if you count the 1993 March on Washington protest marriage and the vow renewal service 10 yrs ago... We apparently just like to get hitched again periodically.) and there were a lot of similarities between the two services.
Fast forward 20 years. It's now 2012. Marriage is now legally available to all people in a handful of states, one of which happens to be New York, where Michele was born and raised. Once again, our minister is a Unitarian. My hair is short, but growing. My dress is green. My bouquet was a gift from a family member. We decorated everything ourselves, with lots of help from family members, the dollar store and of course... the markdown section of a drug store. Michele's family is there. I have my best friend of twenty four years and two of my dance friends. This time... I went down the aisle without a single worry. This may have been the legal part, but really, this was a confirmation that twenty years ago, when I looked at Michele and said I Do, I really meant it!
Now... I need to sit and write out all the stuff from last week. I took notes so I wouldn't forget. Let's see here... the L.I.E traffic, wow! No MIL, Typhoon! Christmas lights with Sisto, I need a pool, southern misconceptions about northerners, carrying a carport, don't fly Delta, family reunion, boats, beach, cupcakes, karaoke and the joy of silence. Gosh... I guess I better get writing...
Thursday, August 2, 2012
The Chicken war... or why I am not a Good Christian
Wow... In eight days, Michele and I will be getting legally married in NY. I can't believe it is almost here. Of course, it still won't change things here, since it isn't recognized by this state, but someday it will be. You know, this whole gay marriage thing is crazy. In my writing, I have tried to stay away from politics and that sort of thing, but for just this once, I think I need to spill what is in my heart and head.
Right now, there is this huge uproar over a fast food restaurant. The owner uses his own money, earned through the profits of the restaurant, to support groups that promote an anti-gay agenda. Some of those groups are Christian. Some of them are registered as hate groups. So people are picking sides. Buy food there and support Hate groups. Buy there and support Christian values. Buy there and support Free Speech. Boycott there to show you support Human Rights. It's all so confusing and really... it's fast food. Now, don't get me wrong. I happen to really like their chicken salad sandwich every once in a while. But it isn't something I eat often enough to make any big difference. So instead of buying that chicken salad sandwich there, I can go across the street and get the one I like better anyhow (Arby's makes the BEST fast food chicken salad sandwich). The thing is... While I am not excited that the owner chooses to support hate groups, I do firmly believe in his right to use his money to support his beliefs. And if it wasn't for the couple of registered Hate groups he supports, I wouldn't care at all. What is really hurtful about this whole situation is watching my Christian friends get stuck in the middle.
I will be the first to say... I am not perfect. I am not a model Christian. I know how hard it is for some people to accept that you can be a gay Christian, or a liberal Christian, or a wiccan Christian or even a gay, liberal, wiccan Christian. Some people in this whole debate seem to believe that there is only one way to be a Christian. And they are taking out their intolerance on those who have a different view. Of course, the gay people aren't helping things. The calls to have Kiss-ins, dress in drag and all that other in your face stuff only aggravates and incites the far right. So... can't we stop all the madness? If you aren't happy with the owners policies... don't eat there. Write a letter. If you support the man's right to free speech, write a letter. If you support his values... eat there. Write a letter. But stop hurting each other.
I have to be honest. Some of my friends ( and you know who you are) support this restaurant 100%. They believe that the owner is being a true Christian. And looking at Facebook, I saw the posts supporting the Appreciation day. I saw the posts saying that this proves we are still a Christian nation (yes, Kim... I saw that post). My first thought was how sad this made me. All those people lining up to prove they are Christians who support Christian values. All that money. How many homeless children could that money have fed? How many pairs of shoes? How many job training programs could that have funded? And those friends of mine who are caught in the middle... why must they feel like they aren't good Christians because they too would rather use their money to help the downtrodden than add profits to a corporation? Isn't THAT what G*d asks us to do? I won't even go into how much it hurt me personally to see how many friends who I know love me were so willing to support groups who would be happy if I were dead. But I choose to believe that they were not thinking of that part of the debate ( and if they were... well... Jesus told me to turn the other cheek)
Okay... That's my addition to the Chicken wars. I am done with it.
Right now, there is this huge uproar over a fast food restaurant. The owner uses his own money, earned through the profits of the restaurant, to support groups that promote an anti-gay agenda. Some of those groups are Christian. Some of them are registered as hate groups. So people are picking sides. Buy food there and support Hate groups. Buy there and support Christian values. Buy there and support Free Speech. Boycott there to show you support Human Rights. It's all so confusing and really... it's fast food. Now, don't get me wrong. I happen to really like their chicken salad sandwich every once in a while. But it isn't something I eat often enough to make any big difference. So instead of buying that chicken salad sandwich there, I can go across the street and get the one I like better anyhow (Arby's makes the BEST fast food chicken salad sandwich). The thing is... While I am not excited that the owner chooses to support hate groups, I do firmly believe in his right to use his money to support his beliefs. And if it wasn't for the couple of registered Hate groups he supports, I wouldn't care at all. What is really hurtful about this whole situation is watching my Christian friends get stuck in the middle.
I will be the first to say... I am not perfect. I am not a model Christian. I know how hard it is for some people to accept that you can be a gay Christian, or a liberal Christian, or a wiccan Christian or even a gay, liberal, wiccan Christian. Some people in this whole debate seem to believe that there is only one way to be a Christian. And they are taking out their intolerance on those who have a different view. Of course, the gay people aren't helping things. The calls to have Kiss-ins, dress in drag and all that other in your face stuff only aggravates and incites the far right. So... can't we stop all the madness? If you aren't happy with the owners policies... don't eat there. Write a letter. If you support the man's right to free speech, write a letter. If you support his values... eat there. Write a letter. But stop hurting each other.
I have to be honest. Some of my friends ( and you know who you are) support this restaurant 100%. They believe that the owner is being a true Christian. And looking at Facebook, I saw the posts supporting the Appreciation day. I saw the posts saying that this proves we are still a Christian nation (yes, Kim... I saw that post). My first thought was how sad this made me. All those people lining up to prove they are Christians who support Christian values. All that money. How many homeless children could that money have fed? How many pairs of shoes? How many job training programs could that have funded? And those friends of mine who are caught in the middle... why must they feel like they aren't good Christians because they too would rather use their money to help the downtrodden than add profits to a corporation? Isn't THAT what G*d asks us to do? I won't even go into how much it hurt me personally to see how many friends who I know love me were so willing to support groups who would be happy if I were dead. But I choose to believe that they were not thinking of that part of the debate ( and if they were... well... Jesus told me to turn the other cheek)
Okay... That's my addition to the Chicken wars. I am done with it.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Everything... and the Kitchen Sink
It's been a long week. I tried to replace the faucet in the kitchen. I did pretty well... got the basin wrench positioned correctly, took the two side screws out, disconnected the cold water and then... came to a screeching halt. The hot water connector would not budge. Then, after much twisting, WD-40 and finally a few well chosen curse words, it turned. And turned. And turned.... and would not come apart. After an hour of twisting, turning, using multiple different tools... I gave up. I called a plumber. It took him 45 minutes to get the old one out and the new one in. I was so mad! But then... I had to laugh. Once again, the universe is telling me that while I might think I can do everything... there are some things that are still a little beyond me.
I had a lady in my store this week who just started chemo. She has lung cancer. She was telling me how hard this last week has been with losing her hair and crying. I hugged her and asked her to stop back by on Sunday. See... she was telling me how she hates how she looks and can't find anything to cover her head that makes her feel pretty. I went through my hats and scarves and came up with some light weight ones for her. So when she came in, I showed her how to tie a turban with a long scarf and gave her a bag of hats. It seemed like the thing to do. She left with a pretty pink turban on and a smile. It made my day.
I went shopping with Mom. It was an experience, I must say. I spent a while trying on clothes, discovering which outfits looked good on my new flat chest and which didn't. I bought some new hats. And then I had fun buying a strapless bra. Yep... I need a strapless bra for my wedding dress to put my foobs in. The ones from the mastectomy company are outrageous! So... I bought one on clearance in a random cup size and tried it when I got home. It looked pretty good, if I say so myself. Not that I plan to wear the foobs that often... but it's nice to have them if I need them. The most entertaining part of shopping... I opened the door without my shirt on and there was a woman standing outside the dressing room. I just smiled and said... MOM!!!
Today though, I realized that I am still disappointing myself. You ever catch yourself looking at someone you don't know and thinking the most terrible things? I mean, being critical of what they are wearing, or how they are acting, or even how they look. Well... I really wish I could stop doing this. I really hate this about myself. What right do I have to make any judgements about anyone else? For all I know, they could be the nicest person around, and here I am thinking some snide thought. Every time I catch myself doing it, I shake myself and make it a point to find something nicer to think about that person. So... I see the woman who reminds me of a People Of Wal-mart poster child and I stop myself... and I notice she has the most amazing eyes. Or the grumpy old man who is snapping at me to hurry up... he smells so good. And then I take that good thought and I hold it in my head and I smile at the person... and they smile back. Even the grumpy man. So, I realize again that I can't change other people... but I can keep working on me, and maybe I can change. I would really like that.
I had a lady in my store this week who just started chemo. She has lung cancer. She was telling me how hard this last week has been with losing her hair and crying. I hugged her and asked her to stop back by on Sunday. See... she was telling me how she hates how she looks and can't find anything to cover her head that makes her feel pretty. I went through my hats and scarves and came up with some light weight ones for her. So when she came in, I showed her how to tie a turban with a long scarf and gave her a bag of hats. It seemed like the thing to do. She left with a pretty pink turban on and a smile. It made my day.
I went shopping with Mom. It was an experience, I must say. I spent a while trying on clothes, discovering which outfits looked good on my new flat chest and which didn't. I bought some new hats. And then I had fun buying a strapless bra. Yep... I need a strapless bra for my wedding dress to put my foobs in. The ones from the mastectomy company are outrageous! So... I bought one on clearance in a random cup size and tried it when I got home. It looked pretty good, if I say so myself. Not that I plan to wear the foobs that often... but it's nice to have them if I need them. The most entertaining part of shopping... I opened the door without my shirt on and there was a woman standing outside the dressing room. I just smiled and said... MOM!!!
Today though, I realized that I am still disappointing myself. You ever catch yourself looking at someone you don't know and thinking the most terrible things? I mean, being critical of what they are wearing, or how they are acting, or even how they look. Well... I really wish I could stop doing this. I really hate this about myself. What right do I have to make any judgements about anyone else? For all I know, they could be the nicest person around, and here I am thinking some snide thought. Every time I catch myself doing it, I shake myself and make it a point to find something nicer to think about that person. So... I see the woman who reminds me of a People Of Wal-mart poster child and I stop myself... and I notice she has the most amazing eyes. Or the grumpy old man who is snapping at me to hurry up... he smells so good. And then I take that good thought and I hold it in my head and I smile at the person... and they smile back. Even the grumpy man. So, I realize again that I can't change other people... but I can keep working on me, and maybe I can change. I would really like that.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
very short update.
It's another beautiful day here and I am back to my old self... mostly. I changed the oil in the mower, cleaned the air filter and checked the spark plugs. Then I mowed the driveway. And after only an hour of being outside, I had to go sit down. I guess I am not quite as recovered as I thought... but then again, I did that after being at work since 730 this morning and only having a can of pears for breakfast/lunch. So maybe I shouldn't be too hard on myself.
I have really missed doing things like this, and it is so nice to be able to do them again. My yard is looking scruffy, so I see a big yard clean-up in my future. And I am really excited about it. I know I used to moan and complain about having to spend my off time doing yard work, or cleaning house, but my views on that have changed. It is a blessing to be well enough to go push a mower around 3/4 acre of yard. So what if I have to sit down more frequently. At least I can do it.
The other fun thing... I had three, yep three, crazy people in a row today. It is really hard for me not to laugh at them sometimes. I mean, seriously... why are you getting so worked up over something so small? But then I have to remind myself that for the person in front of me, this incident is probably the worst thing going on in their world right now, and I am grateful for that. If the worst thing in your world is not getting your way at a store, then you are a lucky person. Sometimes I wish I could tell them this, but I think that might not go over very well. Especially because I wouldn't be able to do it without laughing.
oh well... break is over... gotta go mow some lawn.
I have really missed doing things like this, and it is so nice to be able to do them again. My yard is looking scruffy, so I see a big yard clean-up in my future. And I am really excited about it. I know I used to moan and complain about having to spend my off time doing yard work, or cleaning house, but my views on that have changed. It is a blessing to be well enough to go push a mower around 3/4 acre of yard. So what if I have to sit down more frequently. At least I can do it.
The other fun thing... I had three, yep three, crazy people in a row today. It is really hard for me not to laugh at them sometimes. I mean, seriously... why are you getting so worked up over something so small? But then I have to remind myself that for the person in front of me, this incident is probably the worst thing going on in their world right now, and I am grateful for that. If the worst thing in your world is not getting your way at a store, then you are a lucky person. Sometimes I wish I could tell them this, but I think that might not go over very well. Especially because I wouldn't be able to do it without laughing.
oh well... break is over... gotta go mow some lawn.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Life goes on...
Well, we are now about a month away from the wedding and I am doing what I can to make it as budget a wedding as possible and still have it be pretty and memorable. It's amazing what you can get at the dollar store and then fix up into something cute. I have to say, it is nice to think about something not cancer related for once.
Of course, I guess you can say that in a round-about way I do think about it all the time. I mean, while we were planning the ceremony, we purposely avoided anything that was too sentimental. I decided that we have had too much seriousness in the past year. There will be no sappy music, no mention of til death do us part (because that is just a little too close to home still), and definitely nothing that is going to make me cry. I have had enough of tears for the time being. What I want is a day to celebrate life and love and family and friends. In fact, lately I have tried to have a lot more time to enjoy all of those things.
Recently, we went out to our very first martini tasting. It was awesome! We got to see friends we hadn't seen in a while, ate good food, got tipsy and then danced for the first time in ages. We went to a drive in movie with another couple a few weeks before that. Again... we ate good food, snuggled, laughed and had a great time. We went out to dinner at Sticky Fingers (some of the best darn ribs EVER!) with our friend Christina... laughed, had good food (I think that may be a thing with me... I love food) and enjoyed each others company. Life is going on...
That is a thing to think about... Life going on. Once again I am nothing but thankful that life continues, that I have wonderful friends who are as excited to spend time with me as I am with them. And while it may be in the back of all of our minds to wonder how long do we have, or how many more nights together will there be...we don't discuss it. However, I think we treasure each experience more because for once we realize there is a time limit that no one but God knows. I just wish I had known this sooner. I would have eaten more.
Of course, I guess you can say that in a round-about way I do think about it all the time. I mean, while we were planning the ceremony, we purposely avoided anything that was too sentimental. I decided that we have had too much seriousness in the past year. There will be no sappy music, no mention of til death do us part (because that is just a little too close to home still), and definitely nothing that is going to make me cry. I have had enough of tears for the time being. What I want is a day to celebrate life and love and family and friends. In fact, lately I have tried to have a lot more time to enjoy all of those things.
Recently, we went out to our very first martini tasting. It was awesome! We got to see friends we hadn't seen in a while, ate good food, got tipsy and then danced for the first time in ages. We went to a drive in movie with another couple a few weeks before that. Again... we ate good food, snuggled, laughed and had a great time. We went out to dinner at Sticky Fingers (some of the best darn ribs EVER!) with our friend Christina... laughed, had good food (I think that may be a thing with me... I love food) and enjoyed each others company. Life is going on...
That is a thing to think about... Life going on. Once again I am nothing but thankful that life continues, that I have wonderful friends who are as excited to spend time with me as I am with them. And while it may be in the back of all of our minds to wonder how long do we have, or how many more nights together will there be...we don't discuss it. However, I think we treasure each experience more because for once we realize there is a time limit that no one but God knows. I just wish I had known this sooner. I would have eaten more.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Getting in touch with the past
I don't know about any of you, but I am really feeling the need for family more every day. Funny how when you are a teen, you sort of push away from your family as you try to establish who you are. Then you hit your thirties and start to realize that a large part of who you are is where you come from. You look around and see that your great grandparents are mostly gone, your grandparents are slipping away and your parents are people who you are now old enough to appreciate as individuals, not just parents. Your brothers and sisters are no longer the people you fight with, but are now the people you turn to in times of joy and sorrow. Of course, that is just my personal experience. Maybe you are one of the lucky ones who kept up those relationships your whole life. Myself... I am working on it right now.
I spent yesterday scanning family photos for my wife. I borrowed the books from her uncle. As I was going through them with her, we realized that she doesn't know the names of many of the relatives pictured, even the names of her great grandparents. She has no stories associated with many of the people in the pictures. And it made me think about something my dad did when I was young. He sat down with my great grandmother Stanojevich and got her talking. She told stories about her mom and dad, her brothers and sisters and sang some songs in her native language. Unfortunately, it was too late to record most of my other great grandparents. Alzheimer's had taken my great grandfather, and senile dementia had the other two remaining great grandmothers.
So, this made me think about what we leave for our children and their children. What do we know about our older generation? What stories are we missing? What can we do now to preserve that history? What makes this even harder is how fractured our families have become. Divorce, children born out of wedlock, deaths in the family... all these gaps in our connections make it hard to get the narrative of your family. I wonder if I am the only one who wonders about my family's past. I don't mean just the names and other facts, although I know those are important to many. I mean the stories... Like, how did your great grandparents meet? What was it like when he left to go to war and she had to get a job outside the house for the first time? Did his mother like her? Did her father think he would never amount to anything? What about when they came to America, like my great grandparents... was that terrifying? What about the barber shop they owned?
So many questions... And I can't ask them. But I can ask my mom and dad... and when my son has grand kids, they will have some stories to share.
I spent yesterday scanning family photos for my wife. I borrowed the books from her uncle. As I was going through them with her, we realized that she doesn't know the names of many of the relatives pictured, even the names of her great grandparents. She has no stories associated with many of the people in the pictures. And it made me think about something my dad did when I was young. He sat down with my great grandmother Stanojevich and got her talking. She told stories about her mom and dad, her brothers and sisters and sang some songs in her native language. Unfortunately, it was too late to record most of my other great grandparents. Alzheimer's had taken my great grandfather, and senile dementia had the other two remaining great grandmothers.
So, this made me think about what we leave for our children and their children. What do we know about our older generation? What stories are we missing? What can we do now to preserve that history? What makes this even harder is how fractured our families have become. Divorce, children born out of wedlock, deaths in the family... all these gaps in our connections make it hard to get the narrative of your family. I wonder if I am the only one who wonders about my family's past. I don't mean just the names and other facts, although I know those are important to many. I mean the stories... Like, how did your great grandparents meet? What was it like when he left to go to war and she had to get a job outside the house for the first time? Did his mother like her? Did her father think he would never amount to anything? What about when they came to America, like my great grandparents... was that terrifying? What about the barber shop they owned?
So many questions... And I can't ask them. But I can ask my mom and dad... and when my son has grand kids, they will have some stories to share.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Life with a Purpose
In the past nine months, I have thought and talked a great deal about the Big C at work. Every woman I talk to gets the same lecture on getting checked. And recently, I have heard from a number who listened. In fact, I have also heard from male customers who listened... and this is what I have heard back.
Most of the women who have talked with me and heard my plea that they get checked came back with smiles and good reports. Every time I hear an all clear report, I smile and remind them to be vigilant. One young lady, or rather, younger than me lady, came to tell me she took my advice and MADE her doctor give her the mammogram. She is in her thirties, but has a family history of BC and thought maybe she felt something, but wasn't sure. Her doctor poo poo-ed her at first, but after talking to me, she went to him and argued. A week later, she had her test. Two days after that, she got the phone call. Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Not what you want to hear, but she caught it at age 36. Four more years and it could have spread anywhere. She came back to thank me. I hugged her, gave her my phone number and told her anything she needs to talk about... just call. Anytime. Even 4am. Don't be afraid. You have cancer, sister, but it doesn't have you.
A man who has watched me talk to her came to me afterwards and told me that he had been watching me throughout this whole ordeal. His aunt had just been diagnosed and had a mastectomy. He said he thought about me when he talked to her. Then he asked "What is it about cancer that makes people change? How do you get so strong?" I asked what he meant and he explained that his aunt is in her seventies, but had the surgery and went right back to caring for her husband who has Alzheimer's. He noticed that I worked the whole way through chemo, was out a very short period and came back like nothing had happened. And to top it off, I was happy!
Now... I know this man as a 7 year customer. He is what we call a difficult customer. He gets mad easy, yells and has temper tantrums. But I have noticed that he has changed over the past 8 months. He always stops to talk. He smiles at me more. He takes an interest. And I don't think he even realized that he has changed... not me. But his question made me stop.
I told him this:
Not everyone who has cancer is strong. None of us are strong by choice.Some are strong by necessity. Some are strong by faith. Some of us are just stubborn. But you can't beat it if you don't fight. Sometimes you fight and still lose...
Cancer doesn't change you. Facing your own mortality does. But you know, you don't have to have cancer to make the same change. All you need to do it look at the beautiful woman you woke up beside and that beautiful baby asleep in the next room and realize that you are blessed. To start with... you woke up, and somewhere out there, someone else didn't. Secondly, you have people you love who love you. And most importantly, you just have to realize that you are not promised the first two things forever, so enjoy them right now. Also...( and this is where I put things in perspective) before you go to get upset over something, ask yourself... is this really worth getting upset over? I mean... in my life, if it isn't as bad as the news that I have the big C, then it isn't worth getting worked up over. Finally... when you lay down to sleep at night... don't forget to say Thank You... because today was a gift, and we should always be thankful for the gifts that come our way.
Most of the women who have talked with me and heard my plea that they get checked came back with smiles and good reports. Every time I hear an all clear report, I smile and remind them to be vigilant. One young lady, or rather, younger than me lady, came to tell me she took my advice and MADE her doctor give her the mammogram. She is in her thirties, but has a family history of BC and thought maybe she felt something, but wasn't sure. Her doctor poo poo-ed her at first, but after talking to me, she went to him and argued. A week later, she had her test. Two days after that, she got the phone call. Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Not what you want to hear, but she caught it at age 36. Four more years and it could have spread anywhere. She came back to thank me. I hugged her, gave her my phone number and told her anything she needs to talk about... just call. Anytime. Even 4am. Don't be afraid. You have cancer, sister, but it doesn't have you.
A man who has watched me talk to her came to me afterwards and told me that he had been watching me throughout this whole ordeal. His aunt had just been diagnosed and had a mastectomy. He said he thought about me when he talked to her. Then he asked "What is it about cancer that makes people change? How do you get so strong?" I asked what he meant and he explained that his aunt is in her seventies, but had the surgery and went right back to caring for her husband who has Alzheimer's. He noticed that I worked the whole way through chemo, was out a very short period and came back like nothing had happened. And to top it off, I was happy!
Now... I know this man as a 7 year customer. He is what we call a difficult customer. He gets mad easy, yells and has temper tantrums. But I have noticed that he has changed over the past 8 months. He always stops to talk. He smiles at me more. He takes an interest. And I don't think he even realized that he has changed... not me. But his question made me stop.
I told him this:
Not everyone who has cancer is strong. None of us are strong by choice.Some are strong by necessity. Some are strong by faith. Some of us are just stubborn. But you can't beat it if you don't fight. Sometimes you fight and still lose...
Cancer doesn't change you. Facing your own mortality does. But you know, you don't have to have cancer to make the same change. All you need to do it look at the beautiful woman you woke up beside and that beautiful baby asleep in the next room and realize that you are blessed. To start with... you woke up, and somewhere out there, someone else didn't. Secondly, you have people you love who love you. And most importantly, you just have to realize that you are not promised the first two things forever, so enjoy them right now. Also...( and this is where I put things in perspective) before you go to get upset over something, ask yourself... is this really worth getting upset over? I mean... in my life, if it isn't as bad as the news that I have the big C, then it isn't worth getting worked up over. Finally... when you lay down to sleep at night... don't forget to say Thank You... because today was a gift, and we should always be thankful for the gifts that come our way.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Butter and the cookie monster
I had to post these two short stories separate. You'll understand when you read it.
I had two major chemo brain incidents while in NY. The first was the day we got there. It is otherwise known as the attack of the cookie monster.
We went to the first viewing, and while we were outside, a woman came up with a plate of cookies. I know I have met her before, but for the life of me, I can't place her. She goes inside, then comes back to tell me to make sure the cookies go where everyone is after the service. I make it a point to not forget the cookies. So after the service, I took the cookies with us to Tara's house, where Dad's family is gathered. Turns out that the woman was actually one of her mom's relatives and I was supposed to get the cookies to that side of the family. I am now a cookie thief. I have misappropriated the cookies.
The second is what I will call The Butter Incident.
After the services, we went to dinner with the family at a country club. I got my plate, my roll and a pat of butter. I sat down, buttered the roll and started eating. Of course, we are at a table filled with the younger cousins, so there is a lot of conversation. I went to butter my roll and realized the butter was missing. I could have sworn I picked up butter. What did I do with it? I was looking all around my plate and someone asked what I was looking for. So I explained I had misplaced the butter. Then I noticed the roll... it was already cut open... don't tell me... I lifted the top and it was buttered. So I started laughing. Of course now everyone wants to know what is so funny. I explain what I just did. Meanwhile, Michele thinks I just wanted more butter, so while I was explaining what was so funny, she dropped a pat of butter on the plate. I turn back to the plate and THERE IS THE BUTTER!!!!! Oh My GOOODDDD!!! I KNEW I had picked up butter. And Of course, I have already forgotten that I buttered the roll. I am honestly startled by the sudden reappearance of my missing butter and I say so loudly and emphatically, to which the whole table begins laughing. They had all seen Michele put the butter on my plate and thought I had seen it too. I pick up my roll and once again discover it is already buttered... wait... then whose butter is that on the plate?
Michele said the look on my face was priceless. And I may never live it down... in fact... the next day, her cousin gave me a whole stick of butter of my very own...
I had two major chemo brain incidents while in NY. The first was the day we got there. It is otherwise known as the attack of the cookie monster.
We went to the first viewing, and while we were outside, a woman came up with a plate of cookies. I know I have met her before, but for the life of me, I can't place her. She goes inside, then comes back to tell me to make sure the cookies go where everyone is after the service. I make it a point to not forget the cookies. So after the service, I took the cookies with us to Tara's house, where Dad's family is gathered. Turns out that the woman was actually one of her mom's relatives and I was supposed to get the cookies to that side of the family. I am now a cookie thief. I have misappropriated the cookies.
The second is what I will call The Butter Incident.
After the services, we went to dinner with the family at a country club. I got my plate, my roll and a pat of butter. I sat down, buttered the roll and started eating. Of course, we are at a table filled with the younger cousins, so there is a lot of conversation. I went to butter my roll and realized the butter was missing. I could have sworn I picked up butter. What did I do with it? I was looking all around my plate and someone asked what I was looking for. So I explained I had misplaced the butter. Then I noticed the roll... it was already cut open... don't tell me... I lifted the top and it was buttered. So I started laughing. Of course now everyone wants to know what is so funny. I explain what I just did. Meanwhile, Michele thinks I just wanted more butter, so while I was explaining what was so funny, she dropped a pat of butter on the plate. I turn back to the plate and THERE IS THE BUTTER!!!!! Oh My GOOODDDD!!! I KNEW I had picked up butter. And Of course, I have already forgotten that I buttered the roll. I am honestly startled by the sudden reappearance of my missing butter and I say so loudly and emphatically, to which the whole table begins laughing. They had all seen Michele put the butter on my plate and thought I had seen it too. I pick up my roll and once again discover it is already buttered... wait... then whose butter is that on the plate?
Michele said the look on my face was priceless. And I may never live it down... in fact... the next day, her cousin gave me a whole stick of butter of my very own...
Family Part 2
Okay... so... We are Driving to NY, which is normally a 12 hour trip. I had Herceptin that morning, so of course I am loopy and groggy. Our future sister in law and the baby are with us and the poor baby is teething and has very bad gas. The trip turned into an 18 hour drive. I missed a good portion of it, because I fell asleep, but Michele and SIL were both completely worn out by the time we got there. Everyone napped a couple of hours and then headed out to the funeral.
It was a beautiful service. Her dad was a retired police lieutenant and volunteer fire fighter, as well as a veteran, so there were lots of uniforms there. And of course, the huge family. Oh yeah... I forgot to tell you (I think...but maybe not) that her family is Irish. Extremely Irish. Did I also mention that there are a lot of them? My poor SIL had to meet this huge family after three hours of sleep with a fussy baby. Then there was me... Chemo brain in action... trying to remember names and attach them to the right people (which I am not good with on a regular day, let alone after 8 months of treatments and a long car ride) and hoping I don't confuse anyone. Of course, I know her aunts and uncles on her fathers' side. They are the most amazingly warm and loving bunch of people. They love my wife so much and they just opened their arms to me from the start, so every time I see them is a joy. Add to that all the cousins who are so willing to love and be loved and I wondered why I had been so worried about coming. Wait... her mom... that's right.
Due to the sheer size of the family, or so I thought, I saw her mom about twice. Once when I hugged her and told her I was so sorry for his passing and then again when we were at the dinner after the burial service. I was taking pictures of everyone, and took some good ones of her and the family. Turns out, the family had decided to prevent any problems by never leaving me alone. Michele told me this afterwards, and I could just kiss every one of them. I know it was hard on everyone, losing Dad... but I think it was wonderful how his family protects their own. Her mom's family... well...
The one aunt who I respect a great deal was polite as always. Her mom was polite. The other aunt... as soon as I was alone came up to me, scared the crap out of me and began to tell me how I need to ask her personally for any help we might need, not do some Facebook crap.What she was talking about was the fundraiser we did to pay medical bills. I just nodded and smiled. I mean... I see her point. If we need help, we should just ask, right? But I have a hard time doing that.Asking in person for money that we might not be able to repay puts the person being asked in a difficult position. I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to donate. The whole point to a fundraiser was that people could contribute if they wanted to, in any amount they wanted, but they weren't being pressured to do so. Also, they could do it anonymously if they wanted. I had plenty of those and believe me... I valued every single donation because it paid for a good portion of the bills that were piling up. I am still paying some of them.... but that's not a problem. I have time to pay them now! At any rate... I think it's easier on people to be able to just share the fundraiser site even if they couldn't contribute. Just the fact that so many people sent me prayers and good wishes made it worthwhile. I was touched and surprised by the people who helped, and I can not begin to express how thankful I still am for the generosity of my friends, my family and their friends and family. So maybe for this particular aunt it seemed.... ummm... cold? I don't really know... I mean... I know why I chose to do what I did, but I don't think that side of the family understands how hard it was for me to even ask for help. But, you know... that's okay, because I have really gotten over worrying about what anyone thinks of me. I am what and who I am and while I am always trying to better myself, I still make mistakes and I guess that may have been one of them.
So... after all the funeral services, we got to spend some quality time with various members of the family. Can I just tell you how much I love her dads family? It was like walking into a room of all your favorite people. It was like having the best hug ever. It was warm, loving and accepting. It made me want to pack them all in my luggage and bring them home. I loved watching how they treated each other. I loved the fact that they care so deeply for family no matter what time or distance has passed. I regret that we haven't had more time with them in the past and I swear that we will find a way to have more time with them in the future. It was exactly what everyone wishes for when they think of family. And I am so honored that they opened their arms for me... not just because of Michele, but because they are just that kind of amazing.
It was a beautiful service. Her dad was a retired police lieutenant and volunteer fire fighter, as well as a veteran, so there were lots of uniforms there. And of course, the huge family. Oh yeah... I forgot to tell you (I think...but maybe not) that her family is Irish. Extremely Irish. Did I also mention that there are a lot of them? My poor SIL had to meet this huge family after three hours of sleep with a fussy baby. Then there was me... Chemo brain in action... trying to remember names and attach them to the right people (which I am not good with on a regular day, let alone after 8 months of treatments and a long car ride) and hoping I don't confuse anyone. Of course, I know her aunts and uncles on her fathers' side. They are the most amazingly warm and loving bunch of people. They love my wife so much and they just opened their arms to me from the start, so every time I see them is a joy. Add to that all the cousins who are so willing to love and be loved and I wondered why I had been so worried about coming. Wait... her mom... that's right.
Due to the sheer size of the family, or so I thought, I saw her mom about twice. Once when I hugged her and told her I was so sorry for his passing and then again when we were at the dinner after the burial service. I was taking pictures of everyone, and took some good ones of her and the family. Turns out, the family had decided to prevent any problems by never leaving me alone. Michele told me this afterwards, and I could just kiss every one of them. I know it was hard on everyone, losing Dad... but I think it was wonderful how his family protects their own. Her mom's family... well...
The one aunt who I respect a great deal was polite as always. Her mom was polite. The other aunt... as soon as I was alone came up to me, scared the crap out of me and began to tell me how I need to ask her personally for any help we might need, not do some Facebook crap.What she was talking about was the fundraiser we did to pay medical bills. I just nodded and smiled. I mean... I see her point. If we need help, we should just ask, right? But I have a hard time doing that.Asking in person for money that we might not be able to repay puts the person being asked in a difficult position. I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to donate. The whole point to a fundraiser was that people could contribute if they wanted to, in any amount they wanted, but they weren't being pressured to do so. Also, they could do it anonymously if they wanted. I had plenty of those and believe me... I valued every single donation because it paid for a good portion of the bills that were piling up. I am still paying some of them.... but that's not a problem. I have time to pay them now! At any rate... I think it's easier on people to be able to just share the fundraiser site even if they couldn't contribute. Just the fact that so many people sent me prayers and good wishes made it worthwhile. I was touched and surprised by the people who helped, and I can not begin to express how thankful I still am for the generosity of my friends, my family and their friends and family. So maybe for this particular aunt it seemed.... ummm... cold? I don't really know... I mean... I know why I chose to do what I did, but I don't think that side of the family understands how hard it was for me to even ask for help. But, you know... that's okay, because I have really gotten over worrying about what anyone thinks of me. I am what and who I am and while I am always trying to better myself, I still make mistakes and I guess that may have been one of them.
So... after all the funeral services, we got to spend some quality time with various members of the family. Can I just tell you how much I love her dads family? It was like walking into a room of all your favorite people. It was like having the best hug ever. It was warm, loving and accepting. It made me want to pack them all in my luggage and bring them home. I loved watching how they treated each other. I loved the fact that they care so deeply for family no matter what time or distance has passed. I regret that we haven't had more time with them in the past and I swear that we will find a way to have more time with them in the future. It was exactly what everyone wishes for when they think of family. And I am so honored that they opened their arms for me... not just because of Michele, but because they are just that kind of amazing.
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