The Wedding Ceremony- As performed for us by The Reverand Carol Huston

Marriage Ceremony for Michele and Dawyn :

GREETING/INTRODUCTION:

What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined together  to strengthen each other in all labor, to minister to each other in all sorrow, to share with each other in all gladness, to be one with each other in the silent, unspoken memories? — George Eliot

It is out of the resonance between individuality and union that love, whose incredible strength is equal only to its incredible fragility, is born and reborn. Today's celebration is the outward sign of a sacred and inward commitment which religious societies may consecrate and states may legalize, but which neither can create nor annul. Such a union is created by loving purpose, maintained by abiding will, and renewed by human feelings and intentions. In this spirit these two persons stand before us.

Tonight, as we celebrate the union that exists between Dawyn and Michele, may each of you also celebrate the sacred loves and friendships that have brought meaning and joy to your lives. 

READINGS:

Why Marriage? By Mari Nichols-Haining

Because to the depths of me, I long to love one person,
With all my heart, my soul, my mind, my body...

Because I need a forever friend to trust with the intimacies of me,
Who won't hold them against me,
Who loves me when I'm unlikable,
Who sees the small child in me, and
Who looks for the divine potential of me...

Because I need to cuddle in the warmth of the night
With someone who thanks God for me,
With someone I feel blessed to hold...

Because marriage means opportunity
To grow in love in friendship...

Because marriage is a discipline
To be added to a list of achievements...

Because marriages do not fail, people fail
When they enter into marriage
Expecting another to make them whole...

Because, knowing this,
I promise myself to take full responsibility
For my spiritual, mental and physical wholeness
I create me, I take half of the responsibility for my marriage
Together we create our marriage...

Because of this understanding
The possibilities are limitless.

Excerpt from "The Gift From The Sea"   ~ by Anne Morrow Lindbergh ~

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, mot in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.

 

MINISTER’S MESSAGE

Michele and Dawyn, you come here today already a married couple. You first made vows to each other 20 years ago, and you have told me that they were unreversable vows, made before friends, family and God. No divorce possible. I'm not sure the majority of couples I have married in the past twenty years would have been so clear about that, and would have known intuitively that making those vows before your friends would bolster your marriage through the years, community support being vital to a healthy marriage.

You took those vows at a time when no national or state government in the world would have recognized your vows as legal bonds. Your action showed that two people who love each other and want to make a life commitment to one another should have the right to do so, no matter their genders or sexual orientations. Now finally a good number of countries and states, New York among them, have caught up with your understanding and we can be here together, to bless again your spiritual and legal union.

You are a married couple and a thoughtful one, and your selection of readings for this service certainly demonstrates that to me. I have never seen the first reading from Mari Nichols-Haining, but I am impressed by the way it outlines the practical side of marriage as both an opportunity, a discipline, even an achievement. Your second reading from Anne Morrow Lindbergh is one that I have used often, and I think the image of the dancers "barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern" is one of the most beautiful metaphors for marriage that I have ever seen. It reminds us of the fragile balance between individuality and union I mentioned earlier. You have built a life together, a life that has brought you to new places and allowed you to learn together, to grow together, to comfort and support each other in real diversity. At the same time. your love and relationship must encourage each of you to grow in your own talents and interests. Yes, you are two individuals, each with your own strengths and weaknesses, your own needs and emotions, and each with your own opinions. There are times when you need to encourage each other; times when you need to forgive each other; times when you need to stand together for strength and times when it is right and necessary to leave spaces between you, spaces in the dance pattern you share. Be sure to give each other physical space and psychological space so that you can continue- throughout your lives- to be the interesting individuals each of you has come to love.

You know, I am sure, that love itself is unpredictable and ever changing. There are times when love is sublime and transcending; there are times when it demands risk and sacrifice. But there are also times, even for the two of you, when your love becomes day-to-day humdrum, boring, when, as one of you said to me, the "well of love seems empty"- that's the most difficult phase of love, but it is one that all couples face. And the remedy to all this, the remedy when your love is not perfect, lies in two abilities I see in you. One is the ability to forgive. The other is the ability to laugh and see the irony of the situation. Those abilities will get you through.

One or two more points: In these times we all recognize that there is violence around us in the world, and, sad to say, in some persona relationships. And so, in every service I perform, I urge the couples to be gentle with each other. Treat your beloved as a blessing that has come to you. Respect each other in word and action. Remember that acts of kindness, understanding words and most importantly, laughter and a sense of humor will do much to resolve the pressures that come to all households.

Dawyn and Michele, your marriage did not begin today. I would say that your marriage didn't even begin 20 yrs ago when you made your first vows. Your marriage began when you were children growing into the women you are right now. It grew as you came to know each other, first as interesting friends and then as more than friends. We know that your marriage will continue, and we trust that the love you feel will continue to grow. Theodore Parker, a Unitarian Minister and abolitionist from the 19th century said " It takes years to marry completely two hearts, even the most loving and well-assorted. A happy wedlock is a long falling in love..." Michele and Dawyn, may you truly enjoy the long falling in love still ahead of you. May your trusting love and friendship be with you through the journey of all your days. Blessings on you.

INTRODUCTION TO VOWS AND VOWS:

The hand offered by each of you is an extension of self, just as is your mutual love. Cherish the touch, for you touch not only your own, but another life. Be ever sensitive to its pulse. Seek always to understand and to respect its rhythm.

I trust that you have freely given voice to your desire to be united in marriage, 20 y years ago and now again today.  Do you, in fact,choose freely and without reservation, to be a married couple?  If so, please answer, we do.

“We do.”

The vows you have chosen to make to each other are from a poem by Dorothy R. Colgan.   (I Promise  by Dorothy R. Colgan)

I promise to give you the best of myself
and to ask of you no more than you can give.

I promise to respect you as your own person
and to realize that your interests, desires and needs
are no less important than my own.

I promise to share with you my time and my attention
and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you,
to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost
fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you,
to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship
alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and bad,
with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how. Completely and forever.

BLESSING OF RINGS

The circle of the ring speaks love freely given -- it has no beginning, it has no end. 

Today we bless the rings that you have worn for 20 years, so that they may continue to be a symbol of your pledge.  May your rings ever represent the oneness and harmony of your home, and may they testify to your yearning for completeness, reminding you of your privileged place within the endless turnings of time and space.

Wine CeremonY

You have already shared much together, times of joy and times of sadness.  You affirm here today your intention to continue, to the best of your abilities, to share all that life will bring you, enjoying each other's happiness and success to the fullest, and being willing to risk suffering when suffering comes to the other.  As you look to the future together, you know there will be hours of brightness and hours of shadow, for such is the nature of life.

 (Present a cup of sweet wine)  Life has, indeed, many bright and happy experiences, of which this sweet wine is a token.  As you drink of it together, may it serve as a symbol of the joy that comes with loving and sharing, and may you be strong enough to hold with your happiness a kind sympathy for those who have not found strength in mutual relationship and those who are less fortunate than you.  (Pass goblet to each, they drink and pass it back to minister.)

(Present a goblet of bitter wine.)  But when hardship and sorrow and disappointment come, of which this bitter wine is a token, may you care enough to help one another with courage and compassion.  When you must face risk in life, may you find strength in each other, neither one blaming the other for folly or failure, or regretting the obligation to share and bear together the chances and changes of a life deeply lived.  (Goblet is passed).

 I promise to share with you my time and my attention
and to bring joy, strength and imagination to our relationship.

I promise to keep myself open to you,
to let you see through the window of my world into my innermost
fears and feelings, secrets and dreams.

I promise to grow along with you,
to be willing to face changes in order to keep our relationship
alive and exciting.

I promise to love you in good times and bad,
with all I have to give and all I feel inside in the only way I know how.
Completely and forever

BLESSING FOR A MARRIAGE by James Dillet Freeman

May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring,
and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.

May you always need one another -
not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness.
A mountain needs a valley to be complete;
the valley does not make the mountain less, but more;
and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it.
So let it be with you and you.

May you need one another, but not out of weakness.
May you want one another, but not out of lack.
May you entice one another, but not compel one another.
May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another.
May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces.
May you look for things to praise, often say, "I love you!" and take no notice of small faults.

If you have quarrels that push you apart,
may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.

May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness of one another's presence -
no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side,
and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities.
May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy.
May you have love, and may you find it loving one another!

 

PRAYER/MEDITATION:

And now let us take a moment for prayer or meditation, with the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi in our hearts

God, make Michele and Dawyn channels of your peace:

That where there is hatred they may bring love;

Where there is hurt they may bring the spirit of forgiveness;

Where there is doubt they may bring faith;

Where there is despair they may bring hope;

Where there is darkness they may bring light;

Where there is sadness they may bring joy.

For it is in giving that they shall receive,

By losing that they shall find,

By forgiving that they shall be forgiven.

God, grant that they may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted,

To understand than to be understood,

To love than to be loved. Amen.

PRONOUNCEMENT

Dawyn and Michele, 20 years ago, and now again today, you have freely chosen to walk life's journey together.  In the presence of these witnesses, you have promised one another love and trust in the deepest friendship that can exist.  It is therefore my joy and privilege, on behalf of the divine spirit in and around us, on behalf of all these witnesses, and on behalf of the state of New York, to pronounce that you are and have  been a married couple.

It is your right and privilege, since last summer, to have this marriage legally witnessed and recorded, and so I invite your witnesses to sign this document now.

BENEDICTION

Now as you go together out into the world, may the days and years ahead strengthen the love and the joy and the hopes that have brought you together.  Go in peace.

PRESENTATION AND KISS

It is my great pleasure to present to all of you Michele and Dawyn, a legally married couple in the eyes of God, in our eyes, and in the eyes of the State of New York!!  Please share a kiss.

It's like a Tornado on your wedding day!

By Thursday, the weather channel was saying rain possible for Friday. About a 50% chance. Well, We know how our luck runs, so we ordered a tent. The tent came, and the port-a-potty (from Mr. Party Pooper... how's that for a business name?) and then we had to decorate it. We set the tables up around the yard, strung lights on the tent and helped Tara finish moving yard stuff from one side of the house to the other where it would be hidden. We had the yard all set up with help from Ryan and Mary Shannon.

So... Friday comes. The day starts beautifully. All sunshine and light breezes. We start decorating the tables, finish picking up the last few food things we need, get the beer and as it gets closer to noon... the sky starts to get dark. The wind picks up. Suddenly... it starts raining. The neighbors knock on the door and offer us their carport to add as a tent. (Tara has the best neighbors!) So we get the carport moved all in one piece by carrying it over two fences and down the road with six people. It was a sight to see. Then the weather channel announces... it's a tornado. A tornado on Long Island. That is like a million to one happening.  See... we have just that kind of luck.

Now Ryan, Michele and I are out in the rain moving chairs and tables under the tents. They are soaked. We are soaked. But do I become bridezilla? Nope... instead, I wrap my arms around my beloved and we dance in the rain. Her new smart phone is possessed and it starts playing music on it's own and we danced in the rain. I haven't fixed my hair. I haven't put on makeup. I am prepared to get married barefoot in the rain because it doesn't matter to me... all that matters is that I am about 3 hours away from legally marrying the woman who has been with me for the last twenty years, through good and bad, through sickness and health and it can rain all it wants!

The rain finally stops at about 4. We decide to keep all the tables under the tents, just in case it starts again. We dry everything off and are getting things ready when we get a call. My maid of honor, whose flight should have been in at 2, was still in Philadelphia because all the flights were delayed thanks to the fluke tornado. She will be there right about the time we are supposed to start. Michele goes to get the minister, Tara is cooking, I am redecorating the tables and we are now in a rush. People start arriving and there I am still in my wet clothes. Stacey, my MOH, shows up, grabs the decorations out of my hands, gives them to other people and drags me upstairs to get dressed. Guests are being enlisted to help put the finishing touches on everything while the wedding party gets dressed. It was chaotic, and crazy, but I don't think I have ever seen a wedding with more love and excitement than ours. (Okay... I may be a little biased...)

So... The service...

My dog is a pansy

A real short post here....

I am ashamed to admit it, but my Stafford-shire Terrier mix is a pansy.

Our friend Deborah was dog sitting while we were gone. Buddy and Cleo were just happy to see people. Boston.... not so much. He growled! He refused to come out of his crate to go outside! He tucked his tail and whimpered and shivered and acted pitiful. She had to call me so I could talk to him on speaker phone to get him to go outside to pee. Obviously, we were not about to try bringing him in while we were gone, because he was being unpredictable. So he had to stay outside the rest of the week we were gone. Don't feel bad for him... Deborah played his version of ball with him, and he let her actually touch the toy a couple of time, which for him is a big deal. And he also got lots of treats.

My theory is that they own cats, but no dogs and he is scared of cats (see... I told you he was a pansy). So, he thought they were BIG CATS. Or, it could just be that he is rotten spoiled and listens to no one except me because I am the momma.

Either way... Deborah went above and beyond the call of duty dealing with my crew and I owe her big time! Technically, we hired her daughter... but big dogs need big people. However... if anyone needs an awesome cat sitter... I think that her daughter could start a great on the side business. When we got home, our dog Buddy could have cared less... he was looking for that kid who gives him cookies.

I love you Deborah!

Shopping!

Okay... so ... Its now Weds and we went shopping.  I don't know that it is a good idea to have Michele, Tara and me in a store together for long. First we had to pick beer. Oh goodness. The three of us are semi-sorta beer snobs, and couldn't decide what kind of beer to buy. I like this type, Michele likes that type, Tara likes something else and I didn't want a keg, because then I would feel obligated to drink all the leftover beer before returning it, because there is something really wrong with having to waste beer. Even bad beer. (Of course, I could have just used it giving everyone a great beer shampoo... but I don't use good beer for that!) Going into the distributors was like candyland for grown-ups. Next stop was the wine distributor, where I found our favorite Pinot Noir (Hob Nob, a wine we share with our ballroom dancing friends after discovering it at a wine tasting) and the first bottle of wine we ever shared as a couple (Pouilly-Fuissé).  Perfect!  We needed wine for the wine ceremony and what better than two wines that actually have meaning for us.

Our next stop was to be Sam's club, but we interrupted that for some NY style pizza. See... we were going food shopping and me in a store with food if I haven't eaten is a recipe for bankruptcy. I don't know how many of you remember my taste of Charlotte post, but I can eat some food. And most importantly, Michele NEEDED the pizza. Apparently, the South may have a whole mess of great foods, but to a New Yorker, there is no such thing as a real pizza (or Bagel) anywhere outside of the state. Michele tried to convince the pizzeria owner to move south and open a pizza/bagel shop. It didn't work, but if anyone wants to make millions... I am telling you... bring NY pizza and Bagels to North Carolina. You will retire rich.

Then, we went to Sam's. First thing I did was order cupcakes. Now... I know people are back and forth on the whole wedding cake/cupcake debate, but I happen to like cupcakes. They are small, already in portion sizes so you don't have to have anyone stationed there while people decide how big a slice they want, they can be mixed and matched in colors, icings and flavors and most importantly, I think the little cupcake towers are cute. So when we were talking about a cake vs. cupcakes, I felt that cupcakes are more... well, Me! Compact, cute and simple. Not to mention, I like whipped icing, and she likes that butter cream stuff. I like chocolate, and she likes white cake. So.. She had green cupcakes, and I had white ones. Anyhow... the shopping...
The three of us were insane. The two of them did most of the shopping. I took advantage of all the free sample tables, because while the pizza was good... I never pass up free food. The buggy filled up pretty quick, and we headed back to Club Med to unload our booty.

I also stopped at the local drug store and was overjoyed to see that the store had not yet completed hanging their markdown signs on their seasonal!  Yippeee!!!  The stuff my store had been sold out of for a month hadn't even been marked down once yet... so I bought it all! Yep... all the solar lights were mine! The yard would look awesome! Tara and Sisto once again were working on the yard while I put light up bugs all over the place. Can I just say again how awesome our cousins are?

After all that shopping and the second round of decorating, time for the pool again! After the first day, I noticed that swimming in the pool had reduced the swelling around my mastectomy scars. What's more, I didn't have to wear a top to swim, which was very liberating and felt amazing. I am thinking that I need a pool. or at least access to one on a regular basis. Maybe we should just go live with Tara and Sisto... I could take over that store ( I'll have to talk about that later... it was the first time I realized that I think like a District Manager)

The weather had been beautiful so far, and the forecast for Friday was still about 40% chance of rain. Only Thursday to get through!

Club Medford Day One

Monday August 6th, I worked 730 am till 10pm. When I got home, we did one last look around the house, kissed our puppies and kitties, got in the car and headed off for New York. Oh wow!  Our very first trip to NY where I did not have to be stressed out over dealing with the Mother In Law. I was excited about getting married, seeing our cousins and aunts and uncles and mostly about having a vacation with Michele away from the house.

I slept most of the night, until about 7am when Michele woke me to take over driving. We stopped for coffee and some really stale cinnabon's. Can I just say... food at those travel service centers is outrageous! Two coffees and four mini cinnamon rolls was 15 dollars. YIKES!  I mean, maybe if it had been organically grown, handpicked by Tibetan nuns, individually roasted and poured in a cup you could cherish, but geez. I won't even go into the eight dollar whopper meal ( a Small meal at that! We ate trail mix instead). Now, the fun part is that Michele is now asleep, I have had a large coffee, two sodas and a water and I just woke up. Needless to say... I had to make quite a few pit stops. Every time I stopped, she woke up. Are we there yet?  Ummm.... noooo... I need to piddle again. After about 2 hours, she took over driving again. We were now on the NJ turnpike, and I am a skittish driver. Well, not skittish, but I am a driver who does the speed limit, lets cars get in ahead of me, and do not tailgate. Obviously, me driving anywhere near NY is a recipe for us going nowhere fast.

This is the first trip I have ever been awake and relaxed enough to gawk out the windows. I saw the docks where all the cargo is unloaded. I saw the Statue of Liberty. I saw Coney Island. I saw what I thought were rows of derelict buildings, only to discover that those are tenements. People actually live there. Eek! The weather was beautiful, so we had the windows open and I did not even smell the icky smell of the water like I did on my first trip there. They are really working to clean up the water around the island. I was dancing and singing in my seat, waving at the people who looked. ( somewhere in NY that night, a man in a turban was telling his wife about the crazy woman who was serenading him on the LIE)

First stop was the Brookhaven town offices. Everyone was so nice and happy to help us. The lady had a good laugh over our "destination wedding" in Medford, NY. But we got our license with no trouble at all. We got to Tara's shorty after, went to lunch and then Michele went to sleep. Tara went to work and I stayed up. When Sisto got home from work, he and I finished putting mulch in the yard, hung lights on the trees and I watched and applauded while he fixed the screen door.

It was wonderful to work in the yard with my cousin. We had some drinks, cut up some landscaping material, spread some mulch... all the things I love doing in my yard that I had to stop doing for so long. Then the fun of putting up lights. You know... christmas lights are a great outdoor wedding decoration. Add to that those cute LED color changing solar lights, and you have a lovely nightscape. We pulled out their christmas lights and lit up the back yard. Then, while I untangled some lights, he got out the sander to fix the door to his patio. We just chatted and sipped our drinks, then jumped in the pool. This was the first time I got to spend one on one time with Sisto, and you know what? He is the most awesome man. I mean, I always knew he was great and fun, but that man absolutely worhips the ground his wife walks on, is so family centered and honestly is the kind of man who would give you the shirt off his back. In fact, both him and his wife are that kind of person. And I am truly blessed that they are part of my family. ( Can I just say... I miss them both terribly, and wish we were closer together) Every day, both of them were so eager to help us do anything and spent so much time making everything beautiful. They are a blessing.

It's Legal!

Wow! What a vacation! I am so exhausted... I need a vacation from my vacation!

Well... it's legal now. After 20 yrs, Michele and I have become legally wedded.  Not that we weren't married anyhow. After all... what else do you call all those years of devotion and love? I was thinking about the two ceremonies ( okay... it's actually 4 if you count the 1993 March on Washington protest marriage and the vow renewal service 10 yrs ago... We apparently just like to get hitched again periodically.) and there were a lot of similarities between the two services.

In 1992, we were married at the Unitarian Church in Winston Salem, where I grew up. My family was there and most of my close friends. Michele only had one member of her family at that service. My hair was short, my dress was green, my flowers were a bouquet that one of my friends bought for me at the grocery store. Michele wore a suit we rented from a costume shop.We arrived at the church early to set up the whole shebang ourselves. No florist, no decorator, no nothing. Talk about a minimalist wedding. It cost us 500.00. For us at that time, that was a lot of money. I was so nervous walking down the aisle that I was swinging my bouquet, flinging water on our guests. Why was I so nervous? For me, this was a huge thing. I was about to pledge to be with this one woman for the rest of my life. In my mind, marriage is sacred, and when you make that promise in front of friends and family, it means FOREVER. No matter what. And while I knew I loved Michele wholeheartedly, we really hadn't been together that long. So yeah... it was a little daunting. But my family was there to support me, and by golly, I was going to give it my all. At 21, you don't really think about all the what if's though, and I never realized all the curve balls life would throw at us. But looking back, I think that having a commitment ceremony ( as it was called then) always helped us get past the obstacles in life.

Fast forward 20 years. It's now 2012. Marriage is now legally available to all people in a handful of states, one of which happens to be New York, where Michele was born and raised. Once again, our minister is a Unitarian. My hair is short, but growing. My dress is green. My bouquet was a gift from a family member. We decorated everything ourselves, with lots of help from family members, the dollar store and of course... the markdown section of a drug store. Michele's family is there. I have my best friend of twenty four years and two of my dance friends. This time... I went down the aisle without a single worry. This may have been the legal part, but really, this was a confirmation that twenty years ago, when I looked at Michele and said I Do, I really meant it!

Now... I need to sit and write out all the stuff from last week. I took notes so I wouldn't forget. Let's see here... the L.I.E traffic, wow! No MIL, Typhoon! Christmas lights with Sisto, I need a pool, southern misconceptions about northerners, carrying a carport, don't fly Delta, family reunion, boats, beach, cupcakes, karaoke and the joy of silence. Gosh... I guess I better get writing...

The Chicken war... or why I am not a Good Christian

Wow... In eight days, Michele and I will be getting legally married in NY. I can't believe it is almost here. Of course, it still won't change things here, since it isn't recognized by this state, but someday it will be. You know, this whole gay marriage thing is crazy. In my writing, I have tried to stay away from politics and that sort of thing, but for just this once, I think I need to spill what is in my heart and head.

Right now, there is this huge uproar over a fast food restaurant. The owner uses his own money, earned through the profits of the restaurant, to support groups that promote an anti-gay agenda. Some of those groups are Christian. Some of them are registered as hate groups. So people are picking sides. Buy food there and support Hate groups. Buy there and support Christian values. Buy there and support Free Speech. Boycott there to show you support Human Rights. It's all so confusing and really... it's fast food. Now, don't get me wrong. I happen to really like their chicken salad sandwich every once in a while. But it isn't something I eat often enough to make any big difference. So instead of buying that chicken salad sandwich there, I can go across the street and get the one I like better anyhow (Arby's makes the BEST fast food chicken salad sandwich). The thing is... While I am not excited that the owner chooses to support hate groups, I do firmly believe in his right to use his money to support his beliefs. And if it wasn't for the couple of registered Hate groups he supports, I wouldn't care at all. What is really hurtful about this whole situation is watching my Christian friends get stuck in the middle.

I will be the first to say... I am not perfect. I am not a model Christian. I know how hard it is for some people to accept that you can be a gay Christian, or a liberal Christian, or a wiccan Christian or even a gay, liberal, wiccan Christian. Some people in this whole debate seem to believe that there is only one way to be a Christian. And they are taking out their intolerance on those who have a different view. Of course, the gay people aren't helping things. The calls to have Kiss-ins, dress in drag and all that other in your face stuff only aggravates and incites the far right. So... can't we stop all the madness? If you aren't happy with the owners policies... don't eat there. Write a letter. If you support the man's right to free speech, write a letter. If you support his values... eat there. Write a letter. But stop hurting each other.

I have to be honest. Some of my friends ( and you know who you are) support this restaurant 100%. They believe that the owner is being a true Christian. And looking at Facebook, I saw the posts supporting the Appreciation day. I saw the posts saying that this proves we are still a Christian nation (yes, Kim... I saw that post). My first thought was how sad this made me. All those people lining up to prove they are Christians who support Christian values. All that money. How many homeless children could that money have fed? How many pairs of shoes? How many job training programs could that have funded? And those friends of mine who are caught in the middle... why must they feel like they aren't good Christians because they too would rather use their money to help the downtrodden than add profits to a corporation?  Isn't THAT what G*d asks us to do? I won't even go into how much it hurt me personally to see how many friends who I know love me were so willing to support groups who would be happy if I were dead. But I choose to believe that they were not thinking of that part of the debate ( and if they were... well... Jesus told me to turn the other cheek)

Okay... That's my addition to the Chicken wars. I am done with it.