Okay... so... We are Driving to NY, which is normally a 12 hour trip. I had Herceptin that morning, so of course I am loopy and groggy. Our future sister in law and the baby are with us and the poor baby is teething and has very bad gas. The trip turned into an 18 hour drive. I missed a good portion of it, because I fell asleep, but Michele and SIL were both completely worn out by the time we got there. Everyone napped a couple of hours and then headed out to the funeral.
It was a beautiful service. Her dad was a retired police lieutenant and volunteer fire fighter, as well as a veteran, so there were lots of uniforms there. And of course, the huge family. Oh yeah... I forgot to tell you (I think...but maybe not) that her family is Irish. Extremely Irish. Did I also mention that there are a lot of them? My poor SIL had to meet this huge family after three hours of sleep with a fussy baby. Then there was me... Chemo brain in action... trying to remember names and attach them to the right people (which I am not good with on a regular day, let alone after 8 months of treatments and a long car ride) and hoping I don't confuse anyone. Of course, I know her aunts and uncles on her fathers' side. They are the most amazingly warm and loving bunch of people. They love my wife so much and they just opened their arms to me from the start, so every time I see them is a joy. Add to that all the cousins who are so willing to love and be loved and I wondered why I had been so worried about coming. Wait... her mom... that's right.
Due to the sheer size of the family, or so I thought, I saw her mom about twice. Once when I hugged her and told her I was so sorry for his passing and then again when we were at the dinner after the burial service. I was taking pictures of everyone, and took some good ones of her and the family. Turns out, the family had decided to prevent any problems by never leaving me alone. Michele told me this afterwards, and I could just kiss every one of them. I know it was hard on everyone, losing Dad... but I think it was wonderful how his family protects their own. Her mom's family... well...
The one aunt who I respect a great deal was polite as always. Her mom was polite. The other aunt... as soon as I was alone came up to me, scared the crap out of me and began to tell me how I need to ask her personally for any help we might need, not do some Facebook crap.What she was talking about was the fundraiser we did to pay medical bills. I just nodded and smiled. I mean... I see her point. If we need help, we should just ask, right? But I have a hard time doing that.Asking in person for money that we might not be able to repay puts the person being asked in a difficult position. I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to donate. The whole point to a fundraiser was that people could contribute if they wanted to, in any amount they wanted, but they weren't being pressured to do so. Also, they could do it anonymously if they wanted. I had plenty of those and believe me... I valued every single donation because it paid for a good portion of the bills that were piling up. I am still paying some of them.... but that's not a problem. I have time to pay them now! At any rate... I think it's easier on people to be able to just share the fundraiser site even if they couldn't contribute. Just the fact that so many people sent me prayers and good wishes made it worthwhile. I was touched and surprised by the people who helped, and I can not begin to express how thankful I still am for the generosity of my friends, my family and their friends and family. So maybe for this particular aunt it seemed.... ummm... cold? I don't really know... I mean... I know why I chose to do what I did, but I don't think that side of the family understands how hard it was for me to even ask for help. But, you know... that's okay, because I have really gotten over worrying about what anyone thinks of me. I am what and who I am and while I am always trying to better myself, I still make mistakes and I guess that may have been one of them.
So... after all the funeral services, we got to spend some quality time with various members of the family. Can I just tell you how much I love her dads family? It was like walking into a room of all your favorite people. It was like having the best hug ever. It was warm, loving and accepting. It made me want to pack them all in my luggage and bring them home. I loved watching how they treated each other. I loved the fact that they care so deeply for family no matter what time or distance has passed. I regret that we haven't had more time with them in the past and I swear that we will find a way to have more time with them in the future. It was exactly what everyone wishes for when they think of family. And I am so honored that they opened their arms for me... not just because of Michele, but because they are just that kind of amazing.
It was a beautiful service. Her dad was a retired police lieutenant and volunteer fire fighter, as well as a veteran, so there were lots of uniforms there. And of course, the huge family. Oh yeah... I forgot to tell you (I think...but maybe not) that her family is Irish. Extremely Irish. Did I also mention that there are a lot of them? My poor SIL had to meet this huge family after three hours of sleep with a fussy baby. Then there was me... Chemo brain in action... trying to remember names and attach them to the right people (which I am not good with on a regular day, let alone after 8 months of treatments and a long car ride) and hoping I don't confuse anyone. Of course, I know her aunts and uncles on her fathers' side. They are the most amazingly warm and loving bunch of people. They love my wife so much and they just opened their arms to me from the start, so every time I see them is a joy. Add to that all the cousins who are so willing to love and be loved and I wondered why I had been so worried about coming. Wait... her mom... that's right.
Due to the sheer size of the family, or so I thought, I saw her mom about twice. Once when I hugged her and told her I was so sorry for his passing and then again when we were at the dinner after the burial service. I was taking pictures of everyone, and took some good ones of her and the family. Turns out, the family had decided to prevent any problems by never leaving me alone. Michele told me this afterwards, and I could just kiss every one of them. I know it was hard on everyone, losing Dad... but I think it was wonderful how his family protects their own. Her mom's family... well...
The one aunt who I respect a great deal was polite as always. Her mom was polite. The other aunt... as soon as I was alone came up to me, scared the crap out of me and began to tell me how I need to ask her personally for any help we might need, not do some Facebook crap.What she was talking about was the fundraiser we did to pay medical bills. I just nodded and smiled. I mean... I see her point. If we need help, we should just ask, right? But I have a hard time doing that.Asking in person for money that we might not be able to repay puts the person being asked in a difficult position. I didn't want anyone to feel obligated to donate. The whole point to a fundraiser was that people could contribute if they wanted to, in any amount they wanted, but they weren't being pressured to do so. Also, they could do it anonymously if they wanted. I had plenty of those and believe me... I valued every single donation because it paid for a good portion of the bills that were piling up. I am still paying some of them.... but that's not a problem. I have time to pay them now! At any rate... I think it's easier on people to be able to just share the fundraiser site even if they couldn't contribute. Just the fact that so many people sent me prayers and good wishes made it worthwhile. I was touched and surprised by the people who helped, and I can not begin to express how thankful I still am for the generosity of my friends, my family and their friends and family. So maybe for this particular aunt it seemed.... ummm... cold? I don't really know... I mean... I know why I chose to do what I did, but I don't think that side of the family understands how hard it was for me to even ask for help. But, you know... that's okay, because I have really gotten over worrying about what anyone thinks of me. I am what and who I am and while I am always trying to better myself, I still make mistakes and I guess that may have been one of them.
So... after all the funeral services, we got to spend some quality time with various members of the family. Can I just tell you how much I love her dads family? It was like walking into a room of all your favorite people. It was like having the best hug ever. It was warm, loving and accepting. It made me want to pack them all in my luggage and bring them home. I loved watching how they treated each other. I loved the fact that they care so deeply for family no matter what time or distance has passed. I regret that we haven't had more time with them in the past and I swear that we will find a way to have more time with them in the future. It was exactly what everyone wishes for when they think of family. And I am so honored that they opened their arms for me... not just because of Michele, but because they are just that kind of amazing.
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