Get 'Er Done!

Remember the book I was making for my niece for the future? Well, it's all done now. From birth to age 21, there are cards and photos and stickers for every year. I spent a great deal of time laying out how I wanted the book to look, and writing cards and looking through the photos we have already; making space for photos that will come in the future.  I like the book. It's simple and sweet and full of love.  And it's one more thing off my get 'er done list that is... well... done.

What is a Get 'er Done list, you ask? It's simple. There are things that you do when you deal with a death in the family. Things like distributing the loved ones belongings, cleaning out closets, going through years of accumulated "stuff and things"... all tasks that take time and (in my experience) can lead to great big falling outs in families as people argue over grandma's china, or great aunt Susie's jewelry. It's not the big stuff you write up in your will that cause problems... it's the little things. So, for people like me who know the end is coming sooner rather than later, the wise start taking care of this stuff long before the end is too close.

The funny thing is, I read other writers frequently and one that I read did a piece about the myths of dealing with the terminal disease. A few of those myths dealt with the Get 'er Done type stuff. The writer said we "think" we will do those things that need to be done, but we don't, choosing instead to do anything but deal with what must be done. And yet, I am doing these things.


For example, I had a large collection of dolls. I loved them all. I could look at each doll and tell you where it came from, who gave it to me and why it was special. There were little dolls that my Grandpa Hartman gave me when he came back from trips overseas. There were rows and rows of red headed brown eyed dolls my mom had given me. There were antique dolls my wife had given me over the years. There were Barbies and a Spice Girl and even Audrey Hepburn. Those dolls are now with my three nieces. I split the collection three ways and gave them to the girls parents to give to the girls for me. Next to go are my music boxes that my wife has bought me.

I have a set of dishes from my mom that is going back to her, along with family photos so that she can decide who should get them next. My own photos of my childhood will go to my brothers. My jewelry is divided up in envelopes with an explanation of what each piece is and who it goes to. These are being mailed out soon. The only pieces I am keeping are the necklace Michele had made for me, two pairs of earrings she gave me and my wedding ring (Plus the cheap costume stuff that my niece Ava can play with in her dress-up chest).

We went through our photos and I picked the pictures I want for my memorial. Pictures of me smiling, laughing and of course, sticking my tongue out. I am making my own memorial slide show.  Who better to decide how I want to be remembered than me? Who can tell the story of my life better? What better message to leave than one I do myself?

I went through my closets and dressers and got down to the basics. Just what I wear, nothing else. Six bags of clothes went to Goodwill.  I am slowly going through all the boxes and put up items and getting rid of anything and everything that is not necessary.

All these things give me a feeling of relief. A shedding of my shell. A sloughing off of the excess. I am getting streamlined, less weighted down.


As I often say... I am not being morbid or trying to be alarmist.. I am just a realist who knows that if I want something done the way I want it done, then I need to do it myself. Why put the burden on my wife and mom who will have enough to deal with when the time comes when it is just as easy to do it now? On the plus side, I have enjoyed going through things and remembering special times with my wife as I go through stuff. Even the great closet purge was fun as we talked about how we have one sweater that has been with us for 20 years and I STILL will not get rid of it ( Hey! It's a Ralph Lauren sweater and that thing was well worth the money! It still looks just as good today as it did years ago)

And the side effects start...

Five doses into the Tykerb/Xeloda combo and side effects are starting already. Today started out so good too... I got up, took my first batch of meds, waited an hour, ate some oatmeal, took the second round, played with the dog some. Then Michele and I cleaned up the front room. That was fun. We rearranged furniture, separated out the trash from the donations (Goodwill and I are seeing a great deal of each other these days) and finally found the pattern to my cross-stitch work that I had been looking for. Next was a short nap and dinner. Of course it was too good to be true... an hour after the third medication dose, my tummy turned wonky. I tried to ignore it, but when a burp almost became a repeat of dinner, I knew it was time. My darling wife went to the store and brought back sherbet, ginger ale and other tummy settlers.
The funny part... here I am getting mad at myself because I was sick. Yep, I was being a pansy. No, not .really... but I did feel like I was a pansy. I mean really... it's only been 2 1/2 days. I can't seriously be sick already. But apparently I can.

Which leads me to today's thought.  Don't be so hard on yourself. No one expects you to be perfect... except maybe you.

Quick update

Well, the news here is.... meh. The Evil Overlord C has made a base in two lymph nodes and has been expanding his base camp. The size has increased, both in the lymph nodes and in the lung. My amazing doctor has decided that it is time to give Herceptin a rest for a while. Since the increase in size means the drug combo I am on right now is not working, and my heart function is down to 55%, we are on to the next step- Tykerb and Xeloda.  I will keep you posted on how this turns out.

A blessed new year

Gosh... a whole new year!  I can't believe how fast last year went by. I think every year just passes in a blur as I get older. I haven't been online much lately because my computer decided that since it was a new year... It needed a vacation. But Michele fixed it and here I am again.

Some of my 50 state magnets!

I wanted to start the year off right by saying how amazing my friends and family are. Yes... I know... I say that a lot, but seriously... I am probably the most blessed woman in the world. Let me start with the mail. I love mail. I love getting packages, even if it's just free samples of detergent. December brought me mail and more mail. Christmas cards after Christmas cards. Wedding invitations. Picture cards. A set of magnets from all 50 states. Every day I had something that made me smile. To all my friends... I don't know if you realize how much I cherished the cards with family photos. I loved the cute kids in jammies, the families dressed in their christmas-y best, the poems, the stories and the smiles. I loved the pretty cards with little notes. Yes, it may seem corny, but it meant a great deal to me to know that I was thought of when those cards were written out. That someone smiled when they addressed that envelope and knew that I would smile when I opened my mail box. I even waited and collected them all for a night when I was off so I could sit and savor my cards while having a cocoa. And then I put them in my scrapbook to enjoy again later.  Oh... did I mention the presents? I got a surprise from my wonderful friend Marlinda and her staff at the beauty salon. See... they had a dieting bet going on and since no one won it... they sent the pot to me. Imagine my surprise to get a card with a check large enough to cover three months of Tykerb! I was in tears at how generous my friends are. And then a present from someone I didn't know... Magnets! A friend of mine Brooke (who I have mentioned before ) wanted to help me finish my magnet collection (read back a few posts... it's something I thought I would not get to do...but see how God works miracles?) and her brother sent me a set. And a customer gave me a lottery ticket. I won a dollar! (Don't hate!  you know you wish you had one!)

No... this isn't a plea for more mail (but hey! if the spirit moves you... I am accepting children's artwork for my fridge, pictures to go in my scrapbook and notes to read with my cocoa...no restrictions apply!). This is just an observation on how blessed I am.

So... this brings me to my big thought for the new year. So many times we all get hung up on what is wrong in our lives, we lose sight of the amazing parts of our lives. Every day we wake up (How Awesome!  Somewhere out there, someone did not wake up today... look how lucky you are!) and are surrounded by our family (Look at those faces who love you even when you look like Lyle Lovett and have breath that could be used as a weapon). We go out in the world to a job or stay home to do the job of raising our future (somewhere out there is someone who has no job or has never raised a family). We come home to our loved ones, spend time with our friends and... here's the best part... we get to do it all again tomorrow! 

You may wonder how I can think like this with what is going on here healthwise... but you know... until the Big C... I never realized that I am the luckiest woman in the world. But I do now.

Netflix and deep thought.

I love Netflix. I mean like really REALLY love it. I have spent more time watching full seasons of old shows when I don't feel well than anything else. One of the ones I watched recently was Law and Order: Criminal Intent. It was great having something to take my mind off anything and everything. And then came the episode I watched today. Today's episode was the one about the pharmacist who diluted cancer drugs to make money to support his image in the community and to meet his charity obligations to the church. The funny thing is, I notice that the disclaimer at the beginning of the show seemed different for this one. It said that it was based on an actual case!

Oh my Gosh!  Someone actually did this? So I had to look it up because at first I couldn't believe that it was true. After all... I manage a pharmacy and I know tons of pharmacists and I could not believe for a second that anyone in that profession could think up that crime, commit that crime or get away with it. Then I figured maybe the pharmacist only did it a couple of times and got caught. Imagine my surprise to discover that for nine years, an independent pharmacist who was licensed  to compound and dispense IV drugs had been diluting his medications of life saving drugs to make money. Not once or twice, but 98,000 times. Can you imagine? One of the drugs he did this to was one that I have taken (Taxol). Kinda scary. I can only imagine how those patients must have felt when the truth came out.

So, watching the episode and then looking up the actual case made me do a lot of thinking. First, what can make a person do something like this? Or for that matter, what makes anyone commit a crime against another living creature? Just look at the incidents that have happened in the past few weeks, and it's hard to understand exactly what goes wrong in a persons' head that makes them forget that others have feelings too? The pharmacist who did that justified himself by the rationale that the patients were dying anyway. Dying anyway...  And who knows what was wrong with the school shooter, or the man who set a fire so he could shoot first responders. What is going wrong with this world? It's like these people forgot that their victims were actual living humans.

Maybe... and this is just me thinking here... maybe it's because we are losing our connection to the world. I mean, for people who are as "connected" as we are, with our phones that update where we are and who we are with, and computers that ask us how are we feeling... seriously, we really aren't very connected at all. I'm not saying we are all wandering alone in cyber space, but honestly, how often do we have real physical contact with people outside our own homes? I do... but I also invite it. I seek out the people who look like they are touchers or huggers or bump-up-againsters. My day would not be complete without at least two or three hugs, a few arm pats and at least one curl tousling head rub. So I know I am being reminded daily that I am a part of the great family humanity. But how many people go through their days and weeks without touching and being touched? I know... not everyone likes having their personal space invaded, but isn't that one of the things that makes us human, that invasion of our space? Doesn't everyone need to be reminded sometimes that other people are real, that they are the same? Look out at the animal kingdom. They know that touch is an important part of being in a community. They groom each other. They play with each other. They scent each other ( Although I do draw the line at that... no one is going to spray urine on me and get away without being smacked). The point is... animals know that the way to establish ties is through contact. So maybe we need to be a little more conscious of other people and start trying to connect. Smile at a stranger. Don't be afraid of a little contact. Lets try to remind each other that we are all a part of this big family of humanity and maybe the world can change.

If you need a hug... come see me. I'll be at work dispensing hugs and smiles, free with every purchase.

I'm Gonna...

Ahhhh.... Big sigh.... Christmas in retail is finally over. I have made it through another full retail year and have not killed anyone, not even the lady who pitched a full fledged, toddler style, in your face tantrum because my pregnant assistant manager told her to "Have a nice Day, Ma'am."  ( Seriously... When you are twice the age of someone in the South... Expect to be called Ma'am or Sir... We call that manners)

So the new year is almost on us. I have been thinking about the whole resolution thing, and decided that I am not good at resolutions. I mean, unless it's something like "In the new year, I promise that I will change my mind frequently, get irritated at nothing sometimes and take at least one bath a month." Those are some resolutions I can keep. But as for big changes... I don't really know what I would change, or why. Mostly we make resolutions to change bad habits, or to improve our selves. But I would like to make some different resolutions. I think I'll call them the I'm Gonna List.

This Year I am gonna:

1. Throw a baseball. I may not hit anything that I meant to hit, but by Golly I am going to throw one!
2. Attempt to hit a ball with a bat. A baseball, a basketball, a soccer ball.... a Beach ball... something. I am using a bat to hit a ball and I will make it move!
3. Give flowers to a stranger.
4. Dance in public to something on the in store radio.
5. Sing loudly and most likely off key at least once a week someplace other than home or work.
6. Take more walks.
7. Use more crayons.
8. Eat more desserts.
9. Play in my yard. (No... not work in the yard... PLAY in the yard. I will mow in circles, rake up leaves in piles to jump in and probably play in the dirt.)
10. Laugh at least once a day until my stomach hurts.

That is a list of resolutions I think I can keep.

Time heals all wounds (and fades all scars)... Updated Mastectomy Photos

 Well, It's been a while since we last visited the world of Mastectomy scars, so I thought now would be a good time to have an update on what they look like. Remember, in February I had both breasts removed, then in March I had my little accident with the heating pad. Things are looking better...